


the beauty of it all

by Alvar



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Relationships, Canon Rewrite, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Found Family, Gen, Girls in Love, Jewish Character, Jewish Holidays, Jewish Martin Stein, Jewish Ray Palmer, Love Confessions, M/M, Mick and Nate have a great friendship and i wish the show would do more with it, Nate Heywood centric, Nate draws, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, POV Nate Heywood, Pre-Canon, Team as Family, They also celebrate Christmas, ava and nate too, throughout the show, very friendship focused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alvar/pseuds/Alvar
Summary: Re-written in September 2020. Just about doubled the word count, so a lot of things changed in the fic.The story of how Nate found love, a family and a purpose.And who knew traveling through time could inspire one to draw so much? (to not even mention the people nate does it with)The premise is basically Nate drawing and his pov on things following the shows plot.
Relationships: All the Legends & All the Legends, Amaya Jiwe/Mick Rory, Charlie & Mick Rory, Charlie & Nate Heywood, Charlie/Zari Tomaz, Gary Green & Nate Heywood, Henry Heywood & Nate Heywood, John Constantine & Nate Heywood, Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Mona Wu & Nate Heywood, Nate Heywood & Amaya Jiwe, Nate Heywood & Ava Sharpe, Nate Heywood & Jefferson 'Jax' Jackson, Nate Heywood & Martin Stein, Nate Heywood & Mick Rory, Nate Heywood & Ray Palmer, Nate Heywood & Sara Lance, Nate Heywood & Team Legends, Nate Heywood & Wally West, Nate Heywood & Zari Tomaz, Nate Heywood/Ray Palmer, Nora Darhk & Mona Wu, Nora Darhk & Ray Palmer, Sara Lance & Ray Palmer, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe, Team Legends & Ray Palmer, idk just everyone & Nate, mentioned or hinted at the following
Comments: 18
Kudos: 58





	1. the beauty of it all

**Author's Note:**

> Update: Re-written in September 2020. Just about doubled the word count, so a lot of things changed in the story. I think for the better, let me know if you agree!
> 
> I wanted to write a little something regarding Nate and drawing and then that little something turned rather big, but i'm not complaining, i had a lot of fun writing this. Hopefully you will too reading this!
> 
> If there are any mistakes, feel free to tell me. English isn't my first language.

Nate knew he was pretty good at drawing. Many years of sitting at home, not being allowed to do anything dangerous (his parents found everything dangerous), he kind of had to fill his time. One way was history, a subject he could get engrossed in for days. But when Nate needed a change of pace, he would get out some paper and pencils and start creating. On one of these days, when Nate was still a young twelve-year-old, he saw that the neighbors got an oak tree in their garden and Nate just _needed_ to draw it. Whatever was so special about that tree, Nate still hasn’t figured out. He reveled in the feeling of creating something, the sound of pencil on paper and the way it grounded him. That feeling, that _itch_ , was something he loved to chase, and so he did.

Nate goes to college and for the first time in forever, he feels _alive_. He can go outside without supervision, he can do what he wants to do without his parents approval, he can walk around for hours on hours and he almost feels like any other college student, like one of the students he shares classes with, any of the other people that walk around on campus. He can almost pretend that a papercut can’t kill him. Almost, his parents made sure of that. He completes his masters in Oxford, not just to distance himself even more from his parents, no matter what his mother seems to think, but because Oxford is a pretty cool place to live for a while. In Oxford he dates a girl called Wendy and makes new friends. With them he feels a certain kind of freedom that is foreign to him and makes Nate wonder if it should. Should he have gotten the chance from his parents to have friends, that special kind of love that comes with friendship, as a kid? (It’s these thoughts that Nate ponders over late at night but can never quite deal with, because besides making him uncomfortable, it kind of _hurts_ ). His friend Séna is the first to bring Nate to the different parks in and around Oxford and eventually Nate goes to them even without her company. Séna made him fall in love with them, showing him the serenity of them that is ever present. It’s this serenity that Nate needs after Wendy and he break up and Nate wishes Séna was there with him on their bench. She would’ve found a way to make him laugh, to trash talk Wendy (even though she wouldn’t really deserve that), or tell him a funny childhood story that she always gladly shares with him because she knows that he missed out on idiotic child stuff. Instead Nate sees a beautiful flower bed with a 20-something girl lying next to it on a blanket in the grass. Nate’s fingers itch at the serene expression on her face, eyes closed and her headphones on. Nate’s fingers itch at the way the sun hits the scene just right. Nate’s fingers itch at the way the light makes the colors of the flowers stand out and makes the girl look like she is glowing. So, he draws and wishes he could bring out a canvas and paint it with the new oil paint Connor gave him for his birthday. Instead he sketches, refines it, makes the strokes bolder and finishes the drawing. He likes it. He likes the cathartic feeling it gave him even more. Nate stands and walks away, moving past the girl but not disturbing her (disturbing a scene like that? Nate would never). He drops the paper next to her head and walks back to his apartment without looking back. Nate misses the girl blinking open her eyes at the paper's touch. He misses her folding open the paper and smiling, albeit a bit confused, before looking around to find the artist and not finding them, but treasuring the drawing nonetheless.

Nate goes to a college party and kisses a boy for the first time and Nate sketches the house the party was at the next day. He captures the beautiful coat of freshly fallen snow on the ground and fairy lights on the porch. The guy turns out to be in a relationship with someone else so Nate breaks whatever it was that they had off. Connor asks him if he’s going to burn the drawing when Nate tells him (apparently some people say it’s good to cope, but Nate isn't that broken-hearted about it). Nate tells Connor he _never_ destroys his art. Instead Connor, Séna and him put the sketch in a random someone's mailbox in the middle of the night after getting terribly drunk and Nate wakes up the next morning with a very shitty hangover, and a few sketches of his friends out in the snow, cheeks rosy from the cold and alcohol.

Nate gets his doctorate in history (surprising absolutely no one), specializing in historical reconstruction and deduction, or as he likes to call it, being a Time Detective. Work takes a lot of his time, but Nate has been chasing the itch in his fingers since he was twelve and doesn’t let work take away that feeling. He moves back to the United States and leaves behind his friends and mourns the way they lose touch with each other, no matter their promises not to. Nate will never really lose them though, he has their memories, the sketches, the feeling of being loved voluntarily and unconditionally that his old friends made sure he would start to recognize instead of being surprised by. They helped shape him into the person he is now and that is something he will never lose. While Nate ponders these things, things lost and found, he makes a finding very different. There’s another strange appearance of a woman in white in the history books where she wasn’t before. Nate makes note of it and then he draws her. Or, at least what he thinks she might look like. Nate thinks it isn’t half bad.

Time passes and Nate is starting to get worried for these so-called Legends and so he does the rational, totally well thought out thing and forces his way into Oliver Queen's office. Oliver Queen actually believes him and so they set out to find the team of time-travelers. They find the ship and Mick Rory in it, but none of the others (Nate really wanted to meet the woman in white, she seems so cool an- Nate isn’t fangirling at all, nope, not at all). They are able to track down the Legends, using the ship’s system, aka Gideon. Mick and Nate are waiting (without Oliver, Oliver ditched them because apparently, he has a life to get back to) for Gideon to lock down on the locations and Nate draws the Waverider while he still has a good reference. From the corner of his eye he sees Mick glance at him, or more specifically the drawing. The hand moving the beer bottle to his lips stops for a moment and Nate can only notice so much from the corner of his eyes, so he misses the small look of admiration Mick sends his way.

They find the Legends scattered over the timeline and decide to pick them up, seems a little rude to just leave them like this. The timeship and the fact they will be traveling to different time periods is like a historian's wet dream and Nate almost explodes with excitement when the Waverider takes them to the cretaceous period first. There they find Dr. Raymond Palmer and when Nate sees this Dr. Palmer’s eyes, his fingers itch in a way they have never done before, but before he can think too much about that, he pukes his guts out (stupid side effects of time travel). After that, they find Dr. Martin Stein and Jefferson Jackson and Nate can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s _traveling through fucking time_. The woman in white, Sara Lance, is about to be hanged and Nate knows it’s not a good time, but he would really like to pull out his pencils and put her smirk and flowy hair on paper. His drawing of her from before doesn’t really look like her.

Nate meets his grandfather, _the_ Commander Steel, and Nate is surprised when his fingers don’t itch at the sight of the man. (he’s too stoic, too impersonal at first, Nate doesn’t like capturing that). The itch does come however, when they’re on that motorcycle and Nate feels that, unfortunately still quite unfamiliar, feeling of freedom. He doesn’t have the time to really process that though, because there’s a lot of noise and _fuck, there are bombs_ and Nate can feel that his blood is leaving him too fast and then everything goes black. Nate wakes up when he thought he would never wake up again. Ray is there and he has apparently saved Nate’s life and when Nate meets Ray’s eyes, his fingers more than itch.

His grandfather says goodbye and Nate wants- no, _needs_ to remember so he draws and draws and draws until his hands start cramping up and he doesn’t feel the lump in his throat anymore.

Nate accidentally gets dropped in 17th-century feudal Japan and he just hopes that Ray didn’t fall along with him. Masako is there and takes him to her home and cares for him and all Nate can really do to repay her is to stand up against the shogun and his samurai. It doesn’t really work out that way, because for some reason his powers aren’t working and _shit._ Nate can’t even geek out that he’s ( attempting to fight ) fighting real samurai, because getting stabbed _fucking hurts_. He doesn’t die though, for some miraculous reason, and Nate realizes it must’ve been Ray’s serum that healed his hemophilia. The fact he doesn’t have to worry about possibly dying from getting as much as a papercut is a new type of feeling, a new type of freedom and tranquility. His team (it’s his team right?) show up, but the shogun has Ray’s suit and Nate can’t just leave Masako in the hands of the guy that is known for killing his wives, so they stay and fight, but first Ray needs to help him with his performance issues. They attempt to train but the whole plan involves destroying Ray’s suit and it’s clearly a lot more important than just the suit to Ray. He is raging on about only having his suit, only being important because of his suit, but Nate needs to destroy the suit or otherwise history is fucked and all Nate can do is let Ray let it all out, because what on earth do you say to something like that? The fight with the shogun doesn’t go great, Nate is knocked out for most of it, but Masako fights the Shogun off long enough for Nate to get in the final hit and destroy the suit. Masako’s face is filled with relief and Nate quickly checks if she’s okay before moving to Ray, whose face is all hard lines. Witnessing the destruction of your lives work would do that to you. When they walk back, Ray seems to shake it off with every step they take and seems to be somewhat alright once they’re back. On the ship Ray tells him Masako is actually Masako Yamashiro and Nate only flips out a little at the realization he fought alongside the ancestor of the superhero Katana. 

After the whole finding-all-the-Legends-and-then-almost-dying ordeal, Nate somehow finds a place on the team. (oh and did he mention Ray made him a superhero suit after the mission in the Old West?). Turns out, traveling through time gives someone a lot of inspiration. They travel to the Civil War (Nate shudders at the memory of being covered by zombie guts), the late 80s and the Old West. They help out with the Dominator Invasion and learn more about the Legion of Doom and more specifically their plan. During it all Nate’s sketchbook is getting filled by things he sees on missions, the ship and his team. Nate sketches Stein and Jax talking and laughing on the bridge, Sara and Ray in the parlour (yes, with an u in it, because Rip’s British and so he spells funnily), Mick and Amaya cooking in the kitchen and Ray in the lab (and Ray in the library and Ray in the kitchen and Ray on the bridge and Ray practically everywhere). His team knows he draws them, they found him with a sketchbook in hand one too many times not to, and so they don’t make a big deal out of it, which Nate appreciates. It makes the process of putting pen to paper even more relaxing. The biggest reaction he gets is a soft ‘I like it’ from Amaya once in a while and an appreciative grunt from Mick. Nate has quite some pages filled with Amaya (and therefore also quite a few with Mick, where one goes the other usually follows when it comes to those two). Amaya is beautiful and good at sitting still. Amaya and Nate hang out a lot, may it be for research or just to be in each other's company, so it makes sense Nate has pages filled with her. Amaya and Mick are talking at the counter in the kitchen, making something that seems to be sandwiches, their volumes too soft to really be understandable for Nate where he’s sitting at the table in the galley, drawing program open on the tablet in front of him, capturing the scene. Ray is seated next to him, laptop in front of him and typing away at some calculation or something. All Nate knows it’s something smart he doesn’t understand. 

“Do you like Amaya?” Ray whispers, eyes on Nate’s sketch. The question makes Nate frown slightly, but he continues to work on Amaya’s totem.

“Yeah, duh, she’s my friend,” Nate answers.

“Yeah I know that, I just- I mean romantically,” Nate’s hand stills at that and he glances at Ray. “It’s just that you draw her a lot,” Ray adds.

“I draw all of you a lot.”

“Yeah, but-” Ray lets out a sigh, a bit frustrated. “It seems like you draw her more,” Ray has this small frown between his eyebrows, the one he gets when he’s curious and trying to figure something out. He looks back to his screen though, before Nate can answer. “I- just forget it, I’m not making any sense.” Nate hums, thinking over his answer and the sound catches Ray’s attention again.

“I don’t like Amaya romantically,” Nate starts. “She’s my friend and I love her, but not like that,” Nate moves his eyes back to his page, but doesn’t start drawing again. “I love all of you, you’re like family.” Ray’s frown turns into one of his blinding smiles that Nate loves to capture, and he clasps a hand on Nate’s shoulder, squeezing slightly.

“Yeah, we are- I love you too, buddy,” Ray says and turns back to his laptop. Nate’s heart does _not_ do any somersaults at that and finally picks his pen back up. Nate doesn’t mention that the thing he draws the most is Ray.

They celebrate Hanukkah with Martin and Ray and they get a menorah. During these days, they eat these delicious potato pancakes (“Latkes, Dr. Heywood,” Martin tells him) and they exchange small gifts every evening (they only miss one night because of a mission and Nate is happily surprised). They have this big dinner on the last night and Nate has never eaten this much food in his life. There’s a bunch of cheese and fried delicacies and Nate is wondering if Mick might explode soon from eating all those sufganiyot (Nate can’t blame him; those doughnuts are amazing). Nate draws the table filled with food and hands reaching for seconds (and thirds and fourths and-). The scene of Ray (with that beautiful, blinding smile of his) and Sara laughing and talking, is on the next page.

They find Rip Hunter, the old captain, but he doesn’t seem to remember anything from his life before. Sara tries to help Rip remember, tries anything and everything, but it doesn’t seem to work. Somewhere in the process they scare George Lucas so much he drops out of film school and now Ray and Nate aren’t who they were earlier today anymore and wait- what was he earlier today? Sara tells him he used to be a historian and that he could turn into steel and it sort of rings a bell, but all Nate really remembers is that he’s supposed to be teaching a yoga class tomorrow morning and a home that he resides in with someone who has dark hair and a fluffy dog he (and the faceless blob that Nate can’t really place but does make his chest feel warm) rescued. Amaya is able to convince George Lucas (why do they care about this Lucas guy again?) to make movies and suddenly memories that were distant and hazy before come rushing to Nate and he remembers his real life again. (the other memories, the different timeline ones, become even more hazy and Nate tries to hold onto it because it somehow feels important even though Nate doesn’t really understand what’s so important about yoga. Every time he tries to grab them though, they slip even further away until Nate forgets all about them).

Rip Hunter is back (again) but brainwashed this time and they need a plan to fix that. There will be a way to fix this, Sara will make sure of that, because Sara is a great captain and _she wants her friend back goddamnit_ and she will not let the Legion of Doom win. For now though, they celebrate Christmas. They eat together and Nate tries not to be too nervous when he gives Ray a special edition of the Star Wars Collection that he got signed by Carrie Fisher (yes, Nate figured out how to use the jumpship) ((yes, Nate met Carrie Fisher and he still hasn’t wrapped his mind around that)). He kind of fails, but Ray loves it and hugs him tight (Nate.exe has stopped working). Amaya’s eyes twinkle when Nate gives her the ruby slippers he got made for her in the fabrication room. Nate draws her as Dorothy the next morning.

Dr. Mid-Nite is dead and Nate knows Rip is brainwashed but the carnage he leaves behind in his wake makes Nate want to punch Rip’s lights out. The next part of the spear is in Camelot and even though they’re there, this place and these people aren’t supposed to exist. The others don’t really seem to care though, especially Ray who got this almost childish sparkle in his eyes the moment he saw the crest of ‘King Arthur’. Turns out, Stargirl is posing as Merlin and fabricated the whole place to maintain her cover and keep her piece of the spear safe, which Nate can respect if it weren’t for all the historical inaccuracies. They find the spear before Rip and Damien can, but Ray won’t listen and is talking about fighting for what you believe in and normally Nate would melt a little at the other man’s big heart but right now they _need to get the fuck away from here_. The book says Ray is going to die in this battle, but not even that convinces Ray to leave, something just hardens in his eyes and all Nate can do is sigh at the other man and rush to Sara to ask her- beg her if he has to- to stay, to help Ray. Mick backs him up and Nate would hug the guy if it didn't mean he'd get punched. The team manage to reverse the effects of the mind controlling device and Ray doesn’t die at Damien’s sword (or gun) and Nate sighs in relief. They manage to capture Rip and it takes everything in Nate to not steel up and break a few of Rip’s bones. Nate needs to make sure that Jax and Mick don’t attempt the very same, they’re still reeling from what Rip did to Sara. Sara is too, you don’t really walk getting shot and strangled by your friend off. But Sara believes they can get Rip back and so she wouldn’t like anyone hurting Rip, no matter how much he deserves it. So, Nate stays and tries to keep Jax and Mick occupied, because if there’s one thing you don’t want, it’s an unhappy captain. They all get back on the ship with Rip in the brig and if Nate hugged Ray a little tighter than usual, no one mentions it. Nate sketches the team in their renaissance fair clothing (yes renaissance fair, there’s nothing historically accurate about those outfits) on his tablet.

Things go wrong (fuck you Gideon) and the team get stuck in the cretaceous era. Nate, Ray and Amaya set out to find the lost part of the ship and during it all Amaya keeps throwing Nate meaningful looks that Nate doesn’t want to read into, because _mind your own business Amaya._ They go to the place where Ray used to live all those months ago and Nate fingers itch at the sight of the hut, the place Ray used to call a home. They also meet Ray’s ‘old friend’. Nate can’t say he likes Gertrude very much, she tries to eat them for one. Gertrude leaves them alone though, when Amaya does some badass totem stuff. The others have managed to bring the old Rip back which shouldn’t be that surprising to Nate because when Sara sets her mind to something, she’s unstoppable. Nate draws Amaya with her dinosaur spirit when they’re back on the ship and leaves the one of the hut in the lab for Ray to find.

They go to the year 1970 and meet up with his grandfather. Nate is excited at the prospect of seeing Henry again, but then he punches Rip and Nate knows something is wrong. (There is and they talk and Nate _really_ wishes Hank met his father). They figure out Eobard’s plan, but Ray manages to stop him just in time. Things go wrong (because when have the Legends done anything in an easy manner?), and Ray is stuck in space with Eobard Thawne of all people and the ship gets stuck in a meteorite shower. Something must have worked out between Ray and Thawne though, because they manage to get back on the Waverider in one piece after Sara manoeuvred them away from the meteors. Thawne is in the brig and Ray is back _safe_ and thank fuck something finally goes right- and shit, Nate really spoke too soon didn’t he? The ship lost her main power because of the meteorite shower. They need to re-enter earth's atmosphere, and for that they need the right angle, but without Gideon it’s taking too long to calculate and _wow, they’re fucked_. Apparently, Thawne does know the right angle and Ray trusts Thawne on this ( _god, Ray, if I didn’t love that big trusting heart of yours, I would tell you to put a lock on it_ ) and Sara trusts Ray. Nate kind of wants to put that moment of friendship and trust on paper, but he can’t because the ship needs to be re-pressured which can only be done manually and _oh my god where is Henry?_ Nate arrives at the airlock right when his grandfather closes the door and seals the airlock. Nate can hear himself pleading Henry to open the door, to not do this. Nate can feel the desperation clawing at his throat, but no matter what Nate says, Henry won’t listen. He clearly made up his mind and Nate feels a wave of helplessness because surely, he could do _something?_

“Your son- your son is at mission control,” Nate says as a last attempt, his voice cracking. “He’s there, he’s waiting for you.” Henry is looking at him with love and _goddamn adoration_ in his eyes and Nate doesn’t even bother to bite back his tears. “Come on, please.” His granddad just puts his hand against the glass and leans towards it, towards Nate (for the last time). Nate puts his up too, aligning his own with Henry’s. “Don’t,” Nate hears himself choke on that singular word.

“Give him a message for me. Tell him-” Henry’s breath hitches, tears gathering in his eyes. “-I’m sorry for leaving.”

“Don’t, please don’t,” Nate pleads, but Henry made up his mind and people call him Commander Steel for a reason, so he doesn’t- _won’t_ budge. Henry is reaching for the lever and Nate doesn’t want to see this, but he can’t look away either. Henry opens the airlock and he is sucked through and the ship gets re-pressured. Thawne’s calculations were right and the ship makes it. Nate can’t bring himself to care, because they didn’t _all_ make it, now did they? All Nate can feel is the ache in his chest where love is supposed to be and he sobs on Amaya’s shoulder and lets her cry on his.

Nate does go and meet the teenage version of his father and when he comes back to the ship, back home, he draws his grandfather's dog tags. No matter how much he draws, how much he tries to ground himself, the tears keep rolling down his cheek and the lump in his throat doesn’t dissipate. So, Nate does the only thing he can think of and leaves to find Ray. Ray opens the door to his room and lets Nate in with a soft ‘hey buddy’. They sit at his desk in silence, a comfortable one, and Nate does feel slightly better at the fact that he isn’t alone. The combination of Ray’s presence next to him, reading some book, and his own sketching manages to calm him down somewhat. The sound of pencil on paper numbs his mind and Nate rather has that than the pounding in his head and his wandering thoughts. Nate still keeps sketching everything that has to do with his grandfather, though. Ray puts his hands on his and the little mindless bubble that Nate had going on gets broken.

“We should get some sleep,” Ray says, voice soft, a little tentative. Nate can feel the headache return and wishes Ray had never put his hand on his, no matter how nice it feels. Nate opens his mouth and snaps it shut again when no sound comes out but the start of something resembling a whimper. “Come on- you can stay here, okay?” Nate nods in response and Ray pulls the pencil out of between his fingers and puts that and the rest of their stuff away. Nate stays the night with Ray and they call it bff-sleeping. (a small voice in his head, sounding eerily much like Jax, tells him he’s only one letter away from bf-sleeping. Nate tells the voice to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine).

They try to defeat the Legion of Doom, but then their future, alternate selves show up. Nate really doesn’t like the fact that only _half_ of them showed up. He meets the eyes of his future, alternate self and the hurt and sorrow and damn grief he sees in them are enough to make him bite down the question ‘ _did we at least tell him?'._ The team (or two teams? one and a half team?) manages to come up with a plan and they actually defeat the Legion, but in doing so, they fucked up time itself. They don’t need to be stressed out about that for long though, because Rip founded the Time Bureau, so their help isn’t needed anymore. The former captain is kind of being a jerk about it, though and Nate realizes the urge to punch Rip’s lights out never really left him.

The Legends stay in touch, but the team is scattered, Nate’s newfound family is scattered. Ray and Nate decide to get a place together, because really Nate can’t do this without Ray. (Ray tells him it will be fun to live with his best friend; Nate can’t help but to agree). The whole situation looks very domestic and Nate does _not_ want to think about that too much. He doesn’t want to- can’t think about the massive crush he has on his best friend, because Ray is just that, his best friend and he’s not going to lose that. Amaya lives nearby and Nate is grateful to at least have her close. Then Amaya leaves suddenly, leaves on Nate’s birthday when she was supposed to go to dinner and see a movie along with Nate and Ray and goes back to Zambesi. Nate wishes he didn’t know the particular ache that comes from loss so well and instead of feeling sad about it, he focuses it into anger. Amaya isn’t there to get angry at, but Ray is, and the poor guy has to listen to Nate rant about it and pulls Nate into a hug when the stupid emotions that aren’t anger manage to creep up on Nate after all. 

Then things change again because Caesar shows up and Sara calls (when the captain calls, they come running) and though it didn’t go very smoothly, the team is together again and they get the Waverider back. Nate draws the ship, now that he has a good reference again.

They go to 1870 Wisconsin and Amaya is back now and Nate knows himself enough that he can admit he’s feeling bitter and maybe a little petty, but shit, Amaya did hurt him so he feels like he’s allowed to feel bitter and petty. Nate might be pushing it a bit too far though when he gets shitfaced with Ray and Jax and wakes up with a pounding headache and his buddies missing. Amaya and Nate find Jax and Ray but they get shot with tranquilizer darts before they can get the duo out and now they’re in a cage as well. Amaya can’t get them out because her totem is wonky or something and Nate can’t steel up because he’s hungover and Nate wishes at times like these that he had Ray’s optimistic spirit. Turns out, P. T. Barnum is kind of a dick and he forces Nate to steel up, but Nate still isn’t feeling great, so he is getting tired quickly. Amaya can’t seem to take it anymore and she uses her totem, but it looks different and honestly a little scary and Nate is afraid she’s about to do something she might regret. Nate wrestles his way out of his restraints and rushes to Amaya, not caring that she called upon the ashe of a bear and could kill him with one strike.

“Amaya, no!” Nate pants, quickly moving into her line of sight. “Amaya, hey,” Nate tries, catching her attention. “You can fight whatever this is,” he says and sees Amaya falter for a second. “You’re Amaya Jiwe. You’re a member of the Justice Society of America. You’re the most courageous person I know,” Nate rushes out and Amaya is breathing hard, but she’s not growling anymore, so that seems like an improvement. “That totem makes you a protector, not a killer,” The words seem to make Amaya lose some of the tension in her shoulders. “Amaya, come back to me.” Amaya looks up and the totem’s power leaves her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she gasps, backing away from Barnum and Nate rushes to her.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Nate tells her, gathering her in his arms, feeling her clutch his shoulders. Nate can hear P. T. Barnum making some shit up about the show (as much as Nate dislikes the guy, he’s a good ringmaster), but Nate just focuses on holding Amaya while she gradually stops shaking. Nate is feeling slightly better himself, because yeah, there’s definitely something wrong with Amaya and she’s not feeling great right now (no one on the team seems to be) but he does have his friend back and it might be selfish but Nate finds that a pretty good thing.

There’s a new member on their team now, Zari, and she’s really cool and Nate hopes she will stay. (she does and moves in seamlessly once she finds her place). Nate’s sketchbooks are filled with and continue to get filled with many things, many faces and many places, Zari being new and Amaya back again. They meet tiny Ray and save his life and Nate really should’ve known that Ray was the cutest little kid ever. They go to Victorian London because of vampires and come back having experienced the resurrection of Damien Darhk and Nate really wishes his life wasn’t so complicated sometimes. They go to Hollywood 1937 and Nate is pretty sure Zari hooked up with (or at least kissed) Helen of Troy when Zari brought her to Themyscira instead of Troy. Then, as usual, things go to shit _again,_ and Sara is in a coma and they go deal with an anachronism in Vietnam. There, Mick and Nate meet Mick’s dad and Nate really wishes that _that_ wouldn’t have happened, because he likes Mick, he’s family, and the look Mick got on his face at the sight of his old man really doesn’t sit well with Nate. Mick and Nate decide to stick around them though and Nate takes the back of a map and draws the stream. Mick makes a joke about Nate and Ray, and Nate wishes he could’ve said _yes, I can’t go a day without talking to Ray, Ray my boyfriend_. But he can’t. And Nate knows that Mick knows by the way he pats his back maybe a little bit too harsh, like always. After everything in Vietnam (and shit, there was _a lot_ that happened in Vietnam) Sara wakes up and the desk in Nate’s room holds a new sketchbook, the leather of the cover has a reddish tint and there’s a small engraved fire symbol on the spine. Nate smiles and draws Mick, lighter hidden away in his desk.

A whole lot of stuff goes wrong really fast and Martin is dead ( _how can he be dead, why is he dead, he can’t be dead, he doesn’t deserve to be dead, Martin is dead, dead, dead, dead_ ) and Nate tries to draw. It usually helps him escape, it calms him down, grounds him, but when he tries to put pen to paper, his hand shakes too much and he just _can’t_ . Jax leaves, which was to be expected and Nate gives him one of the many drawings he made of Stein and him. This one is of them laughing on the bridge made with charcoal and a favorite of Nate’s. A few tears roll down Jax’s cheeks and Nate is already apologizing when Jax hugs him and whispers, “ _It’s beautiful, thank you_.” Nate draws Jax later that night and the space on the right of the drawing stays painfully empty.

Now there’s Mallus and Ray gets kidnapped by the Darhks and Nate needs his buddy back _right now_. The team gets some reinforcements; Wally joins the team and helps them out. They manage to get Ray and the fire totem back and Nate realizes he can’t do this shit without the scientist. So, he waits in the med bay until Ray is completely back on his feet and draws. He draws the familiar curve of his lips, the dark lashes creating shadows on his cheekbones, the mop of dark hair.

“What are you drawing?” Ray’s voice breaks through the silence that mere seconds ago was only filled by the sound of pencil on paper. Ray’s voice sounds a little rough and Nate puts away his sketchbook and reaches for a glass of water.

“You,” Nate says and stands up, handing Ray the glass. Ray mutters out a thanks.

“I don’t know if I make the prettiest picture right now,” Ray says after finishing the water. Nate hums.

“Well you’ve looked better,” Ray lets out a chuckle and Nate takes the glass from him and sets it away. “How are you feeling?” Nate asks which earns him a shrug.

“Pretty sure Gideon is all done patching me up- I’m okay,” Nate grabs Ray’s hand and can feel himself slightly frown.

“That’s not what I asked,” he mutters and Ray’s mouth turns into a soft smile. Nate can feel Ray squeezing his hand in reassurance.

“Could be better, but I'm glad I’m back.”

“I- that’s good.” Nate meets Ray’s eyes and suddenly his chest is getting tighter and his fingers are itching and his mind clears up until there’s just the one thought left: Nate can’t take the lie anymore.

“I know this probably isn’t the best time, but I was really scared that I was going to lose you. And I can’t do this anymore- I can’t keep secrets from you anymore,” Nate says and let’s go of Ray’s hand. Ray gets that cute little frown between his eyebrows and Nate’s mind screams at him to be clear about this, he _needs_ to be clear about his feelings. “I love you, as in I’m in love with you, as in I have romantic feelings for you,” Nate rushes out and immediately feels heat coming up to his cheeks. He kind of overdone that one, didn’t he? Ray’s eyes widen and he scrambles to sit up and Nate hurries to clear things up, not wanting to make this even worse. “You don’t have to do anything with this, I just wanted you to know.” Ray is awfully silent and Nate clears his throat, “I hope we can still be friends?” Nate says, not really intending it to sound like a question. At that Ray seems to snap out of whatever it was he was stuck in and a grin spreads over his face. Ray grabs Nate’s hand back and tugs him closer.

“Nate, I love you too, as in I’m in love with you too, as in I have romantic feelings for you too,” Nate lets out a soft chuckle before what Ray said hits him and all he can do is blink a little perplexed.

“Wow, wait seriously? I-I thought you, I-” Nate stops, shutting his own scrambled mind up. He puts his free hand on Ray's shoulder and turns his other hand to lace his fingers with Ray’s. Nate takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh and meets Ray’s eyes. Ray’s grin seems to be infectious, because Nate can’t keep a grin of his own from forming on his face. Ray's hand is on his waist and moving to the small of his back and Ray is pulling him closer, closer, closer, still holding his other hand.

“Can I kiss you?” Nate asks.

“God, yes,” Ray breathes out before they connect their lips. Later that night, Nate takes his sketchbook and draws Ray, only this time in a new, not (yet) familiar, way.

They tell the team. Mick claps them on their back, a little too harsh, like always and walks away, saying something about beer. Sara and Wally congratulate them, while Amaya just smiles at them and Zari looks confused.

“Wait, I thought they were already together?”

They meet Elvis (and locate the last totem but priorities) and Nate is totally geeking out, because _duh, it’s Elvis Presley!_ Ray is being very achromatic about the whole thing though and it’s kind of bringing the party down. Especially since Nate doesn’t understand why, Ray is the embodiment of an excited puppy all the time. They help Elvis with recording his track and after Elvis pulls Nate in a hug and shakes Ray’s hand, Ray gets that look in his eyes and Nate thinks he understands. They leave Elvis to it and make their way back to the Waverider. Nate grabs Ray’s hand, easily intertwining their fingers.

“You don’t have to be jealous, you know,” Nate tells him. Ray tenses for a moment and Nate squeezes his hand in reassurance, not wanting Ray to think he’s upset and he can feel Ray relax again.

“I know,” Ray answers. “Doesn’t mean I don’t feel it though,” Nate hums and stops walking, Ray stopping with him.

“Well, if it means anything, I only care for one guy with amazing dark hair,” Nate tells him, small smirk on his face.

“See, that’s just a rude way to tell me you’re breaking up with me to get with Elvis. I know that you love Elvis’ hair, don’t beat around the bush, Nathaniel,” Ray tells him, slightly grinning and tugging Nate closer. Nate crinkles his nose and lets Ray pull him forward.

“Don’t call me Nathaniel. You sound like my parents and Amaya,” Ray chuckles and apologizes. Nate looks into Ray's eyes and he wishes he could stop time and grab some paper and pencils. He would draw his eyes, these eyes that look at Nate in ways he doesn’t think he deserves, these eyes that hold galaxies. He would draw it and then copy it on a canvas paper later. He would use his watercolor paints. Unfortunately, in all his travels through time, he hasn’t figured out how to stop it. Nate realizes he has been too quiet for too long, so does the most logical thing and closes the gap between them and presses his lips against Ray’s. Nate gets this feeling in his stomach; one he has been feeling more and more since he joined the Legends. He feels free.

The team decides to fix anachronisms in teams, Ray and Mick opting to stay behind and fix the Fire Totem. Nate and Wally find Laika and return her to the Soviet space program in no time. They return on the ship and the whole place is eerily silent. They pass the med bay and hear Zari’s voice calling out for them. Nate turns around and sees Zari standing by one of the chairs, worried expression on her face. Nate glances behind her and sees familiar shoes and _oh god Ray?_ Nate rushes into the med bay, taking Ray’s hand and checks his pulse, before glancing at the screen with his vitals. Ray is looking like shit, blood on his face and clothes, breathing not as even as Nate wants him to. Nate hears Wally ask what is going on and Nate is thankful at least one of them is keeping his head straight. Zari explains that someone on the ship did this and that Mick and Amaya are checking it out. They hear someone scream, Nate meets Wally’s eyes and Wally speeds off. He comes back with Mick and Amaya, Amaya limping into the med bay chair. Mick explains what they’ve seen, Amaya catching her breath and letting Gideon heal her up a bit. They piece together what they can, that Sara got manipulated into using the Death Totem. Sara using the totem would be cool if it wasn’t for the fact she was manipulated into it and her connection to Mallus. Nate brushes Ray’s hair back and presses a kiss to his knuckles, before letting go and joining the conversation, attempting to help make a plan. Before they get to it though, Gideon’s voice cuts through along with a timer and they can’t override the command. The doors to the med bay seal shut and the ship powers down. Nate and the others scramble around to find flashlights and Mick moves over to the doors and tries to open them with brute force. Nate clicks one on and immediately shines it at Ray, checking if he’s still okay. 

“Door’s locked,” Mick grunts out. “I’ll kill that witch.” 

“If you kill her, then Sara dies too,” Amaya cuts through. 

“Better her than me.” 

“How can you say that?” Nate interjects, hearing some of his anger at the whole situation seep through his voice. (anger at Ray getting hurt, anger at Sara hurting Ray, Amaya and Mick, anger at Mick for not protecting Ray from Sara) ((Nate knows it isn’t fair, but logic just flew out the window)). 

“By moving my lips!” Mick says and turns away from the doors. Nate’s anger flares up, now really isn’t the time for witty remarks. He thinks he might hear Wally trying to interject.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Nate can hear his voice rise. “Where were you when Ray was getting the crap beat out of him? Day drinking again?” 

“Better than kidnapping a dog,” Mick yells back. 

“We rescued the dog, man!” 

“I’m claustrophobic!” Zari’s voice cuts through, panic clear in her voice, louder than either of them. “Everyone just stop yelling!” Suddenly the doors open enough for Mick to push them open all the way. Wally turns back around, hand no longer vibrating. 

“Guys, just relax,” Wally says, voice calm. “I’m gonna knock her out, tie her up and no one gets hurt.” He speeds off and Nate doesn’t have time to object to the plan. 

“Oh, we’re screwed,” Zari states and Nate has to agree with her. 

Wally doesn’t return so they split up, hoping that will be the easiest and fastest way to go about this. Nate goes to find Wally and the Earth Totem, Zari is going to decouple the jumpship and Amaya and Mick will get the Fire Totem. Nate tries to keep his steps light, but fast, quickly making his way to the bridge. He finds Wally there, unconscious but alive and Nate lets out a relieved sigh. He finds the Earth Totem and hesitates only a second before grabbing it. He turns when he hears a sound, eyes flitting over the bridge, before another sound has him turning, flashlight catching Sara standing on the other side of the parlour. Nate turns and runs, Sara appearing on the other side of him. As much as Nate hates it, he needs to leave Wally where he is and leaves the bridge. He clicks on his comms and rounds another corner. 

“Guys, Sara found me,” Nate tells them. 

“Nathaniel, where are you?” Amaya asks, but Nate can’t answer because in front of him is a person he never thought he’d see again, his grandfather. Nate can hear Amaya over the comms again but he doesn’t register it.

“What’s the matter Nathaniel?” His grandfather’s voice echoes down the hallway. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Nate gulps and unconsciously takes a step towards the other man. He starts walking down the hallway, needing to get back to the med bay. He keeps his eyes fixed on the end of the hallway, trying his hardest to ignore Henry- no not Henry, this isn’t his grandfather, this is one of Mallus’ mindgames. 

“Houston, 1970,” FakeHenry says, moving away from the wall and closer to Nate. Nate’s eyes betray him when they immediately glance at the other man at his voice. “I wanted to be with my wife and son, but you convinced me that was impossible,” FakeHenry says and Nate wishes he didn’t sound so much like the real Henry, because the pang of guilt Nate feels at those words is too real. Nate feels himself freeze up, eyes fixed on FakeHenry. “You were relieved when I blew the cargo door,” FakeHenry states and Nate lets out a soft no that sounds more like a whimper than a word. 

“I didn’t want you to die,” Nate says, sounding a little choked up. “I love you, I didn’t want you to die.” FakeHenry scoffs. 

“You were desperate to save your own hide,” he says and moves even closer to Nate. The way he looks at Nate is something Nate has never seen directed at him from his grandfather and Nate flinches away from it. “Now what have you made of yourself, boy?” And the term sounds weird coming from Henry, being used to ‘son’. It doesn’t really matter that this isn’t Nate’s Henry though, because the words hurt way too much to care about logic. “You’re a damn disappointment to your father,” FakeHenry cups the side of Nate’s head, a few tears escaping Nate’s eyes. It isn’t the loving touch Nate remembers. The hand slides down to grip the front of his shirt. “And you’re sure as hell a disappointment to me,” FakeHenry says and Nate is paralyzed. FakeHenry raises his fist and lands a punch on Nate’s cheek. Nate can taste copper in his mouth and gets hauled back up by FakeHenry. “You think I ever loved you?” Another punch. “You think Ray loves you?” Another punch and Nate can hear something crack. “You think anyone on this goddamn ship cares about you?” Nate falls on the ground and spits out blood. FakeHenry moves above him. “You’re not worthy of love,” FakeHenry isn’t pulling any punches and Nate is beginning to lose consciousness when the grip on his shirt loosens. Nate thinks he sees a portal open and three figures stepping through, but it’s all pretty much a blur. He hears someone chanting and figures it’s John and Nate has never loved the warlock more in his life. Nate moves and slumps against the closed doorway, gasping for air. Sara is levitating in the air, no trace of his grandfather and before Nate can get up to help, he loses consciousness. Nate wakes up in the med bay, completely healed, the only sign of the fight is the blood on his clothes and he thanks Gideon’s amazing healing capabilities. 

“Easy there, you got quite the beating,” Zari’s voice cuts through and Nate sits up a little slower. He sees everyone in the med bay, looking as okay as one can after their captain turned evil because of a demon. Ray is still in the other chair but looks a lot better, injuries already mostly healed. Nate gets up from the chair and waves away Mick’s steadying hands. He moves over to Ray, just as he groans awake. The others crowd the chair at the sound and Nate grabs Ray’s hand. 

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty,” Zari says and Ray’s eyes blink open, looking at everyone. Ray squeezes Nate’s hand before he sits up quickly, panic evident on his face. “Don’t worry everything’s a-okay, we dealt with it while you were snoozing,” Zari quickly assures. Ray slumps back into the seat. 

“Owh, that’s good,” he says and a small smile comes onto his face. Something snaps inside Nate and he surges forward and presses a kiss to Ray’s lips, his other hand coming up to cup his face. Ray lets out a surprised sound and Nate hears the others groan and move away. He hears some complaints about pda and gagging noises (Nate knows it’s Zari and Wally), but Nate pays it no mind. He pulls back and rests his head against Ray’s. 

“Hey, you okay?” Ray asks, sounding a little worried. Nate nods his head, not really feeling like getting into it all at the moment. Apparently he’s not convincing enough, because Ray looks like he’s going to ask again. Nate pecks Ray’s lips one more time and moves away. Ray seems to understand and doesn’t push the matter. For now. Nate turns his attention to the medical cuff on Ray’s wrist and helps him get it off. 

“Ow, you pinched me,” Ray winces and Nate rolls his eyes but takes the cuff off more carefully. Nate can see someone enter the med bay and looks up, seeing Sara standing there. Her face is all hard lines and guilt and Nate forgets to be angry at her. “Sara,” Ray says, tensing up a bit and Nate grabs his arm. “Is it the real Sara?” 

“Yeah, it’s me,” Sara says, voice soft and Ray (and Nate) relaxes again. Sara fidgets and Nate kind of wants to wrap her into a hug, because she looks way too upset for Nate’s liking. “I’m sorry, Ray,” She says, before moving to address the whole team. She apologizes to everyone and Nate is just glad to have their captain back. They all decide to go to bed, the day was kind of rough and the team filters out the med bay. Mick moves to the door and falters for a moment, glancing at Ray. 

“Sorry for not being there, Haircut,” Mick says. Ray meets Mick’s eyes and smiles. 

“It’s okay, buddy. Wasn’t your fault,” Ray says and Mick grunts in response. Mick looks over at Nate and Nate nods at him. Mick returns it after a moment and leaves. 

“What was that about?” Ray asks Nate and Nate just shrugs in response. Ray gets that frown between his eyes and grabs Nate’s hand, leading Nate to his room before Nate can leave for his own. They shower and curl up under the covers and before Nate knows it, he’s telling Ray what happened when Ray was unconscious, what Mallus showed him. 

“It wasn’t true, Nate, you need to know that,” Ray tells him. “I love you. We all love you, we’re a family,” Nate looks at Ray and can only find truth in those eyes. “Your grandfather loved you very much and made the choice to save you and the ship. That wasn’t your fault,” Nate nods at Ray and he knows this, he does, but sometimes he forgets, sometimes he doesn’t quite believe it. “You deserve love, Nate. Mallus was _wrong_.” 

“Okay,” Nate takes a deep breath. “Okay- I love you too.” Nate pulls Ray even closer and they quickly fall asleep, exhausted. Nate draws his grandfather in the morning and believes. 

Mallus is almost out of his cage and now they’re working _with_ Damien Darhk. Nate is making his way to the library, ready for some hardcore research when he sees Ray in the jumpship and _why the fuck is Damien Darhk with you in the jumpship Ray?_ Nate comes over and hears himself asking questions that Ray can’t seem to find a good answer to. As much as Nate trusts Ray, he can’t just let Damien leave. Then Ray grabs him by the front of his shirt and Nate’s hands snake up on their own volition and bury in Ray’s hair, because _wow_ , that’s quite the kiss. Nate is surprised, usually they don’t really do this in public spaces, let alone in front of (former?) bad guys, but you won’t see Nate complain. Ray is licking into Nate’s mouth and Nate is getting a little weak in his knees, but then Ray quickly straightens and pushes him back, making Nate stumble and Nate’s mind completely jumbled and useless. Ray steps into the jumpship, shouting a quick apology before the hatch closes and he flies off. If Nate wasn’t absolutely pissed at Ray leaving him in this state after kissing him like there’s no tomorrow, his fingers would’ve itched at the sight of the glint of determinedness in Ray’s gaze.

They go to the Old West with some old friends as back-up and Nate is 69% sure (ha get it? God, Nate cracks himself up sometimes) Zari hooked up with Jonah Hex. Before the fight begins Ray comes back to the Old West with Damien’s daughter _instead_. Nate doesn’t have time to be (righteously) pissed at Ray for leaving him alone to deal with his suddenly quite tight pants, or to ask what _exactly_ is going on, because now the team is using the totems to create Voltron, which actually turned out to be a giant Beebo. They defeat Mallus and Nate is covered in Beebo fluff and who knew that stuff could be so sticky? Nora gets arrested by the Time Bureau and Nate sees Ray give her the time stone, because of course he does, he’s Ray Palmer. Nate can’t help but shake his head in fond exasperation for the man. Amaya has to go back now, for real this time, and Nate can’t help but cry along with the others as they say their goodbyes when they drop her off in Zambesi 1942. He slides a small painting of Amaya and Mick cooking in the kitchen in Amaya’s bag and hopes she will remember the life she had fondly. He slides a different one under Mick’s door later that day and hopes he likes it, not get upset at the reminder of what used to be. (Mick loves it and hangs it up on his wall).

They go to Aruba, all of them, and Nate knows Mick likes it even though he says he doesn't. Their family is changing and people they love are no longer there. It feels weird and Nate can’t say for sure that he likes these changes. Nate doesn’t get a long time to think about it, because Gary Green and John Constantine are standing in front of them to cut their vacation short. They plop a dragon head in front of them and Nate knows he probably shouldn’t, but he wishes he could’ve seen the whole thing so he could have painted it.

They search the timeline, but it seems as though John was wrong, no other demon has popped up. Meanwhile the team has apparently fixed the timeline from their major fuck-up back when they defeated the Legion and so they celebrate. There’s a party at the Time Bureau, but Nate isn’t really feeling it and Mick offers something fun to do, so they leave and for some reason Nate decides his parents’ house is a great place to rob. Of course, his parents are home and not away like they’re supposed to be and Nate wishes he stayed at the party, no matter how much it sucked. Mick seems to get it, seems to feel the tension between Nate and his father and seems to understand the look on Nate's face. They leave rather quickly after eating some of his mom’s hospitality sandwiches with Mick as a buffer and Nate is glad for it. Nate makes his way to Ray’s room instead of his own and Mick knows so he lets Nate leave without ribbing him too much. Ray is already in bed when Nate crawls under the covers and buries his face in the other’s chest. Ray’s question if he’s alright is met with silence and Nate wishes he could just answer his boyfriend, but Nate isn’t feeling great so he just hugs Ray tighter. When Nate wakes up in the early morning, he draws his mother and then his father. Ray wakes up to the sound of Nate’s new charcoal pencil on paper and sits up. He presses a kiss to Nate’s shoulder and leans against him.

“Who are they?” Ray whispers.

“My parents,” Nate answers and his pencil falters for a second. Ray stays quiet, because he seems to get it (Ray always gets it) and presses another kiss on Nate’s shoulder. Nate sighs and puts his sketchbook away, turning into Ray's embrace and lets himself be held instead. Ray doesn’t ask any further questions. Nate appreciates it.

They go to Woodstock and apparently Constantine _was_ right about that Hell stuff. Sara says they have it covered so Nate helps Ava out in the meantime. He draws her when she’s practicing her part of the speech. He draws her ever present authoritative stance, her no-time-for-bullshit expression and the slight hesitation, the slight glimmer of her nervousness, that’s showing in her eyes. Then his dad turns out to be the one funding the Time Bureau and _wow they’re so screwed_. Ava does the speech with Gary instead, but Hank won’t believe what they say, even though Ava and Gary provide Hank with everything he should be knowing (Nate feels a spike of irritation that he hasn’t felt in so long and Nate can’t say he missed it very much). Hank is kind of being an asshole so Nate decides _fuck it_ and helps Ava and Gary out. This brings Nate to a situation he really never dreamt of being in: he’s standing in front of his dad with a pig in his arms that is actually his boyfriend Ray, waiting for Ray to turn back into himself, to prove to his dad that the Time Bureau is for real. His dad is staring incredulously at him and Nate really needs this to work. Wasn’t the team handling it? Suddenly PigRay turns into HumanRay and Ray’s junk is barely getting covered by Nate’s blazer and Nate is suddenly carrying a far heavier being so he turns to steel and his dad is looking at him bewildered and did he just come out to his father? Nate and Hank talk after and Hank eventually stops talking about his funding, magic and the Time Bureau long enough to ask Nate about the thing Nate has been expecting Hank to ask about a lot sooner.

“So, what did you mean with ‘this is my boyfriend Ray’?” Hank asks and Nate knows his father is emotionally unavailable, distant and not that great of a dad, but he’s not a total asshole. That doesn’t mean Nate doesn’t tense up a bit.

“I meant exactly what I said. Ray is my boyfriend,” Nate says and if Hank hears the slight defensiveness in his tone, he doesn’t show it. Hank’s mouth twitches upward and he asks Nate if he can ‘ _tell his father about the man his son is dating_ ’.

Nate still isn’t on the best terms with his father and he doesn’t think they will ever have the relationship he dreamed of, but it does feel like there might be some hope for reconciliation, at least.

Ava asks Nate if he wants to stay, work at the Time Bureau and Nate really can’t make that decision without consoling his family so he says he has to think about it. Ava is really nice about it and tells him he can take as long as he needs. Nate takes Ray back to the Waverider and announces a family meeting. He tells them, managing to not stumble on his words too much and Mick states he doesn’t care.

“You will probably show up to annoy me anyway,” he grumbles. Sara tells him to do whatever he thinks is best, Zari requests him to visit very often, Constantine is wondering why the bloody hell he needs to have an opinion on this and Ray just _looks_ at him, which makes Nate fidget.

“You’re part of the team now, John. That means family meetings,” Sara teases, making Zari chuckle and Constantine huff. Nate offers his hand to Ray and luckily Ray grabs it and walks with him, away from the bickering.

“So you want to do that? Work at the Time Bureau?” Ray asks and Nate can’t look anywhere besides Ray’s eyes and he feels his fingers itch.

“I just-” Nate runs a hand through his hair. “I just think I need a breather, get off the ship,” Nate admits. “It’s like- every room I walk into I expect to see someone not here anymore. I expect to see Amaya or Jax or-or Martin. I just-” Nate lets out a heavy sigh. Ray puts his arms around his middle and pulls him closer, Nates hands falling easily onto his shoulder and in his hair.

“If you want this, then you should do it,” Ray presses a kiss on Nates cheek before continuing, “Just know, you always have a place on the Waverider.” Nate smiles at Ray and pecks his lips.

“I will make good use of that time courier, don’t worry,” Nate promises and Ray chuckles, resting his forehead on Nate’s.

“Good, I expect you to.”

The next few days Nate stays mostly at the Time Bureau. He has dinner with his parents, which is a whole lot of awkward, but it feels like it’s getting better. Nate thinks that maybe this time the whole family thing will work out. Maybe. Nora Darhk turns herself in at the Time Bureau and Nate is pretty sure she was hiding in Ray’s room on the Waverider before that. He only has time to get a little jealous at this, before his father invites him to Thanksgiving and Nate panics only _slightly_. However, Hank invites Ava too and she joins Nate at the Heywood Thanksgiving. He couldn’t be happier that he has someone to share the burden with. Of course things go wrong at the Bureau, just when the turkey is (finally) ready. They manage to fix it rather quickly though, thanks to Mona. Nate thanks every deity there is for Mona and her incredible way with people and other beings. They’re all back at Thanksgiving right on time (thank you time travel) and then his father gets his annual Thanksgiving work call. His uncle tells him it’s nice he brought his girlfriend and before they can correct him his cousin starts talking.

“They’re not together, Ava has some pretty lady on her lock screen,” Ava’s eyes widen slightly.

“Why do you have her phone?” Nate remembers to ask.

“Not my fault! She left it on the counter and it’s not like I could go far, don’t know her password,” his cousin defends himself, sounding every bit the eleven-year-old he is and Ava smiles slightly at him.

“Well, you’re right, yeah,” she turns to address Nate’s uncle, “Nate and I aren’t together, we’re friends and I have a girlfriend.” Nate’s uncle is the kind that just doesn’t care about anything else other than getting drunk on Thanksgiving, so Nate’s not even sure if he registers the fact that Ava is responding to him. He nods though, and Hank comes back into the room and Nate cuts the turkey.

His dad wants to cut the Waveriders budget so Nate takes him for a tour on the Waverider to convince him of the good work they do. The team really isn’t helping because they’re all acting very weird and Nate just wants to show Hank the lab, _why are you guys being so weird, and-_ Amaya is here. Nate is sure she actually is and that he’s not just seeing things, because the others are throwing each other nervous looks. Nate doesn’t care, though and he walks into the lab and pulls Amaya in a hug and then she punches him and yells at him in a weird accent _and that’s definitely not Amaya_. So apparently the team has a shapeshifter now who’s stuck in the body of his former best friend and Nate can’t help but wonder how the others are so chill about this. (they’re not; he sees the glances Zari throws Ama- no, Charlie; he sees Sara being faced with the fact her friend isn’t here anymore _again_ ; he sees Ray stumble over Charlie’s name, Amaya’s name on his lips; he sees the way Mick is at war with himself, because he likes Charlie, but he loved the person who’s body she’s now in and it’s _weird_ ).

The tour turns into a ride-along and they go to Paris 1927. Ray opts out of this one and Nate knows he’s going to visit Nora (he only feels a bit jealous). Nate tells Ray to say hi to Nora for him and Ray smiles and kisses him before Ray goes (and Nate's jealousy disappears like *that*). They go on the mission and Nate really thought Hank and he were getting better, but they meet Hemingway and there’s a Minotaur and his father is being condescending again. Then they almost die (just another day) and Hank is singing the Minotaur to sleep. Nate thinks things could’ve gone worse. He sketches a Minotaur sprawled on a kids bed and his father sitting next to it on a chair, guitar in hands and singing. Ray takes the seat next to him in the galley and kisses his cheek, tells Nate he wishes he hadn’t missed it. Apparently, a lot of things happened when Ray visited Nora (including him being stuck in the glue of an envelope?), but he came back saying he joined Ava’s, Mona’s and Nora’s book club. Nate doesn’t even want to ask (almost).

The others join them in the galley, various drinks and snacks on the dining table and Nate can’t help but notice that Charlie is a little off to the side. Nate grabs a napkin and steals the pen from Ray’s hand and sketches her. When Charlie notices, she calls him a creep and tells him to bugger off, but she keeps the napkin, so Nate is pretty sure they’re good.

A creature is missing and Mona looks like she’s telling the truth about these Men in Black so Mona, Zari and Nate do some investigating. Well, Zari does most of the work really, with all her hacking knowledge. So, Zari does some digging and it seems his father is connected to it and Nate really _really_ hopes they’re wrong. (they’re not and for the first time in his life, Nate destroys his art. He rips apart the drawing he made of Hank and the Minotaur). Nate manages to get himself together, to stifle the fact that he feels so unbelievably _stupid_ and pretends to be on his father's side, and Zari keeps digging.

Sara and Ava break up and Ava is on leave. Nate wishes he could help them, be there for both of them, but now Hank takes over as director temporarily and _since when do investors get to take over?_ Hank wants to apprehend the Legends and Zari and Nate pretend to help him in the hopes of slowing him down, but Hank is really determined and they need to warn their team. Zari is a genius and finds a way to contact the team through the radio and Nate wishes he could’ve seen and sketched the pleased smirk Zari was probably sporting. His dad somehow finds out about the radio thing and races back to apprehend the Legends and Nate wonders how he could’ve been so wrong about his father. They get to the camper and only Mick and Ray are there. Nate doesn’t want to ask why, because at least this means that the others are still free. Nate puts cuffs on Mick and Ray and whispers to Ray, “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll get you out of this.” Nate can see that Ray believes him and Nate’s heart almost bursts at the unwavering trust. Ray tries to talk their way out of this, but then Mick headbutts an officer (Nate really has to try to keep himself from laughing, when Mick says, “How’s that for a misunderstanding, you pig!”). His father seems to be done with wasting time and is making the arrest, but then President Nixon comes out of the camper. Nixon lies (of course he does) and a bug flies into his mouth and suddenly Nixon is telling the truth? Ray explains that the bug is a truth bug and Nate doesn’t have the time to ask more questions and geek out about it, because the bug is inside _his_ mouth now and _oh no_ . Nate is telling his dad that he’s keeping secrets and his dad knows about that, but that’s not the _point_. It has always been like this, the lying, the secrets, the hiding of feelings. At this point Nate can’t seem to stop.

“I just want to tell you that I love you, but you just make it so damn hard,” Nate exclaims, voice loud, and his eyes widen at the truth leaving his mouth. His mouth goes on and he’s admitting things he never thought he would, telling Hank it’s becoming hard to even look in his dad's face.

“Just tell me why, why are you doing all this? Why are you pretending we are on the same side?” Nate asks and he feels the desperation clawing at his throat.

“I can’t,” His dad answers and Nate wishes he didn’t allow himself to get close, to hope, because before all of this he probably wouldn’t have been surprised by his dad’s response. He wouldn’t have felt hurt and disappointed.

“But everything I’ve done has been for you,” Hank tells him and Nate wants to yell at him, to ask him what the hell he means by that, but there’s a sharp intake of breath and his father is continuing. “And the fact that it’s hurting you, Nate, it’s killing me. But I want to make this right.” Nate takes a deep breath and nods his head.

“Okay,” he moves to stand in front of Ray, still facing his dad. “You let the Legends walk,” He sees Hank glance away. “That, or you lock me up too,” Nate can practically feel the smirk Ray’s wearing behind him. “Because if you don’t trust them, then you and I are not on the same side.” Hank falters a bit before telling the people behind him to stand down, that the Legends are free to go. His dad promises him that they are going to work together from now on, that there will be no more lies and Nate desperately wants to believe him. Mick and Ray get uncuffed and Mick pats him on the back, a little too harsh like always. Ray slides up next to him and squeezes his hand, once (I), twice (love), three times (you). Nate looks back at him, while his father is dealing with the president behind him and maybe it’s the truth bug but a warm feeling spreads through his chest and he brings Ray into a hug. If Ray squeezes him a bit tighter than normal, Nate doesn’t mind at all. Sara, Mona and John slide up in a car and quickly get out to join the rest of the team. Sara has her worried Captain face on and Nate only has a split second to wonder where Charlie is, before Sara is talking.

“Are you guys okay?” she asks before standing in between her team and Hank and his officers.

“Yes. No, I don’t know,” Nate says, really hating that bug right about now. “First time in my adult life I told my dad I love him. Years of therapy couldn’t even get me to do that.” Sara eyes widen slightly and glances at Ray, who mouths ‘truth bug’ at her. “Hey, speaking of, I love you so big,” he starts, looking at Sara, then he turns to Mick, “I love you so big,” then he faces a smiling Ray, “I love you so big,” Ray ‘awww’s at him and the proverbial dam breaks. “I love you so so big, I think I want to marry you,“ Nate says before very quickly slapping his hand over his mouth. Nate can see Sara grinning at him, Mona smiling behind her. Nate hears Mick bark out a laugh and John is looking way too amused and Nate decides he hates all his friends. Ray’s eyes are comically large and Nate really needs to shut up but _that damn truth bug_. His hand snatches itself away from his mouth. “Have I ever told you that ever since I met you, I can’t stop drawing you? I draw a lot of different things, but you’re the one that I draw the most- it’s getting kind of embarrassing,” Nate finishes and slams his hand over his mouth once again. He turns to John, who now is holding back laughter. “Please get that damn bug out of me!” Sara laughs and his dad glances at him amused, before addressing the captain. He tells her that they’re free to go, if they can get that ship working again. The Waverider appears above them with Zari’s voice asking if they need a lift on the speakers. Hank turns to him and asks him if there even was a problem with the ship to begin with, voice sounding exasperated.

“Nope, it was Zari the whole time,” Nate says, his hand once again moving away from his mouth. It seems as though John finally takes pity on him and he leads him to the ship to get the bug out. They leave the others behind and Nate hates the fact that Ray isn’t walking with him. After the bug is finally gone ( _yuk_ by the way), Zari catches up with him and tells him about what Gary found. A tight, uneasy feeling in Nate’s chest appears when Zari reveals that his dad is acting even more shady than they thought. Nate sighs and turns around, leaving Zari behind him, calling after him. Nate uses his time courier to go back to the Time Bureau. He’s gone before Ray is back on the ship, before he completely breaks down in front of Zari. Nate unconsciously makes his way to Ava’s office, where Hank is temporarily working from. Then he sees a body on the ground and Nora leaning over it and _oh my god, is that his dad?_ Nora tries to talk to him, but Nate only has eyes for his father's corpse ( _corpse_ , oh god, no) and then there are officers pointing guns at Nora. Nate can hear her apologize to Nate through the haze, before some kind of magic energy pulse shoots from her hands and everyone goes flying back and then it’s black.

Nate wakes up in a bed on the Waverider. It’s Ray’s bed, the bed that basically became his too, because he loves waking up in Ray’s arms. Speaking of, Ray just walked into the room, his face looking grim and his eyes red rimmed. Nate sits up, hand running over his face, alerting Ray that he’s awake and Ray takes a seat on the edge of the bed next to Nate.

“Ray-” Nate manages to croak out.

“I know,” Ray says, voice soft. Tears well up in Nate’s eyes. “I got you,” Ray murmurs before bringing Nate closer and Nate tucks his head in the crook of Ray’s neck. “I got you, Nate,” and the dam once again breaks, although this time in a different way. Shit, Nate never thought he’d say this, but he’d rather have the truth bug. His father is- no _was_ , tied to some shady shit, which just makes Nate’s head hurt and now his father is _dead_ . His father got murdered, just after he was accepting the loss of his grandfather and Martin (‘accepting’ is a strong word, he just didn’t feel like crying every time they got mentioned or if something reminded him of them). Just when he was accepting that Jax and Amaya had to leave. To top it all off, he was forced to pour his heart out to his boyfriend, probably scaring the shit out of him and driving him away. Yet Ray is still here, still here to comfort Nate and Nate is feeling selfish and takes whatever he can still get so he buries his face in Ray’s neck and lets himself cry. He’s clutching the back of Ray's shirt and he’s definitely leaving a damp spot on the front of it, but he feels a damp spot on his own shoulder too, so it doesn’t matter all that much. Ray is hugging him back and Nate let’s himself give in to Ray’s embrace ( one last time ). Ray is moving now, getting under the covers with him. Nate doesn’t know how, but he eventually falls asleep, exhausted from _everything_.

Ray is still there in the morning and Nate is only a little surprised.

“Hey, how are you feeling, buddy?” Ray asks, voice low and soft. (Nate is going to miss that). For now though, Nate buries his face in his pillow and squeezes his eyes shut. Nate feels Ray’s hand snake up and make its way into his hair and Nate melts into the pillow. They stay quiet for a moment, before Ray breaks the silence.

“I know this probably isn’t on the forefront of your mind right now, but I know how you can sometimes get stuck in your head and think up doomsday scenarios,” Nate opens his eyes and glances at the other man, before looking away again. “I just want you to know that I love you too- so so big,” Ray mutters and Nate turns to face Ray.

“Yeah?” Nate asks, not liking that his voice sounds so uncertain. “I said some pretty heavy stuff yesterday.” Ray shakes his head and Nate sees him roam his eyes over Nate’s face. Nate probably looks like shit.

“I love you, Nate, you know that,” Ray’s eyes meet Nate’s again and even though Nate doesn’t feel like doing anything other than lying in bed, maybe eat some ice cream or Mick’s sandwiches, his fingers itch. “As for what you said yesterday- I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t thought of marrying you,” Ray shoots him one of his soft smiles. “I see us having a future together. I _want_ us to have a future together,” Nate can’t help the relieved sigh that escapes his lungs at those words. “And well, I do know you draw me a lot- I can’t say I knew I was the thing you draw the most, though,” Nate snakes one of his arms around Ray’s waist and his chest feels warm. “It’s not embarrassing by the way, I’m kind of flattered actually.” And well, it’s nice to know that Nate can at least stop worrying about this. He can stop thinking up doomsday scenarios as Ray put it. Nate moves forward and presses a soft kiss to Ray’s lips, laying his head on Ray’s pillow, muttering out a soft ‘I love you’. He closes his eyes again and breathes in, letting the familiar smell of Ray, of home, give him some comfort. Ray’s voice cuts through the silence again, asking him if he’s okay.

“No,” Nate admits and he can feel tears slipping from his eyes. Nate honestly couldn’t tell you what he’s crying about anymore, but he is. Ray stays and Nate gladly accepts the company.

There’s a wake and Nate feels a lot of different emotions, but he mostly wishes his father would’ve told him about the theme park. When they figure out that a demon called Neron, who is stuck in the body of Desmond, John's ex, killed his father and not Nora, Nate is about ready to call it a day. Everything about this situation is still way too complicated, but Nate can see the relief on Ray's face at the news that Nora is innocent, so at least that’s better. So now they’re dealing with another demon, but honestly, Nate has other stuff to do, specifically visiting the construction site of his father’s team park. Ray and Nate visit it together and Nate can see that it will look amazing, but he doesn’t _want_ it, so he tells Mickey T to break the thing down. A reluctant Ray leaves after squeezing Nate’s hand three times and goes back to help Nora and John with the whole Neron business that Nate has been doing a good job of staying out of. Sara is saving Ava from purgatory (which is… interesting) which leaves Nate time to think (very dangerous business). At some point Nate changes his mind about the park and goes back to the site to tell them to go ahead with the construction. Mickey T can’t hear him though and he’s very close to wrecking the entrance, so Nate does the logical thing and stops a wrecking ball. It gets his point across. Nate comes back to the ship, feeling slightly better and draws the entrance with the dragon on it.

Ava woke up from her coma and Sara and Ava are back together again (Nate guesses surviving purgatory together does that for you). There’s a mission in 1933 at the Adventurers’ Society, but everyone has stuff to do apparently, so Zari and Nate go in solo. They get caught by Nazi’s though (where’s Mick when you need him to roast someone?) and Zari and Nate call in the cavalry in the form of Sara and Ava to get out. Once they’re clear, Sara wonders why they had to come in when Ray was supposed to be back up. Zari meets Nate’s gaze, confusion in both their eyes and Nate reaches up to activate his comm.

“Ray? Ray, come in?” Nate hears a loud noise in the background and then Ray’s voice.

“Nate, babe, don’t come back to the ship under any circumstances,” Ray says, his breathing sounding irregular.

“You okay, buddy?” Nate asks, an uneasy, worried feeling worming its way into his limbs, making him feel jittery.

“Yeah,” and Nate knows he’s lying. “Just uh- cleaning up a storm over here. I don’t want you to trip and break your neck on the mopped floors,” Nate looks over at the others and they share confused looks. “Okay, bye!” Nate mumbles out a ‘bye’ back and turns to face the others.

“Okay, that was weird, even for Ray- we should check on him,” Nate says, barely keeping his anxiousness out of his voice. For some reason, Nate has a feeling something is _very_ wrong. Zari tells him to check on Ray, while they handle the egg and Nate nods and is moving before she can finish her plan. Nate uses his Time Courier to go to the Waverider and steps through the portal. The Waverider’s lights are out, darkness only broken by the emergency lights. Nate makes his way through the ship, trying to find Ray. Gideon isn’t working either and Nate's bad feeling intensifies. Nate steps into the galley looking around, searching for any sign of Ray.

“Nate, you shouldn’t have come,” Nate hears Ray’s voice from in front of him. He sounds wrong though, almost pained as he makes his way into the kitchen. Nate can hear himself ask what’s going on, but Ray is looking all wrong and tells Nate to leave.

“You can’t let me get-” Ray’s hand slaps over his mouth and Ray looks terrified.

“Ray, what do you mean?” Nate is really fucking worried now and then Ray looks at his hands confusedly, before things happen too fast and he hits Nate in the face. Nate reels back from the punch, feeling his nose start to bleed.

“What the hell man?” Nate grits out, standing up straight again.

“It’s not me! Don’t you see, it’s ne- it’s-nnn,” It sounds like Ray's words are literally stuck in his throat.

“Ne? Nearby, do you mean nearby? Is something nearby?” Nate asks, glancing behind Ray, readying himself for possible threats. He hears Ray utter a soft no, before a foot connects with Nate's stomach and Nate goes flying through the room. Nate grunts and realizes that Ray is strong, but that kick was stronger than humanly possible. Nate tries to sit up and sees Ray walking over to him.

“I’m Ray, the rest of me isn’t,” Ray manages to get out. It looks like he’s trying to hold back his own body, but he can’t. “Nate you have to get out of here. You have to leave,” Nate is already shaking his head no before Ray is finished.

“I’m not leaving you, Ray,” Nate tells him. "Whatever this is, I'll help you. You just have to tell me what is going on," Nate tries, knowing it won't be that simple, but not giving up either, because the look on Ray’s face shouldn’t be there, like he's in pain. Then Ray’s arm shoots up to the side and a knife flies into his hand.

“Okay, you got possessed by Neron,” Nate states, finally realizing what’s going on. Ray tells him once again he must go, while walking towards him, knife raised.

“He’s going to make me kill you,” And Nate winces at the fear in Ray’s voice.

“No, because I believe you, Raymond, are stronger than he is,” Nate says, walking towards Ray, somewhat faking his confidence in the situation. “Because we love each other and you are Ray fucking Palmer, you’re the Atom. You got this,” Ray’s arm lowers and the knife clatters to the floor. Nate only has a moment to share a smile with him, before Ray’s fist comes into contact with his face again, twice and then an uppercut. Nate falls to the floor and Ray moves on top of him, still throwing punches while desperate apologies fall over his lips. Nate turns to steel, hoping Ray will stop, but Neron clearly doesn’t care if the body he’s trying to possess gets hurt in the process, because the hits keep coming, forcing Nate to quickly turn back.

“I-” a hit, “-can’t,” another hit, “-stop,” Ray grunts out and Nate can vaguely see Ray picking up the knife again through his swollen eye and then everything goes black.

Nate wakes up, face throbbing and feeling like he might have bruised a rib or two. He blinks open his eyes and slowly the image of a knife wedged into the floor comes in focus, mere centimeters away from his face. _Shit,_ _Ray_. Nate shoots up, almost falling down again, but pushing through the dizziness. Suddenly, the lights of the ship turn on again and Nate winces at the sudden light. He can faintly hear Gideon announce that all systems are back online, which doesn’t soothe Nate like it should. _Oh god no, not Ray_. Nate makes his way to the bridge, hearing voices filter from there. Nate wills his legs to move faster, when finally, the bridge comes into view. He moves to the voices, stumbling to sit on the ledge. He can vaguely see Sara, Ava and Zari standing there, golden egg in hand. Nate stumbles towards the glass wall of the parlour and hears Zari gasp, before she moves over to him.

“Nate! What happened?” Zari asks, concern lacing her voice. Sara and Ava are in front of him, question and worry evident on their faces.

“Where is he?” Nate croaks out, not liking the look of things.

“Who?” Nate can’t even tell who asked it, eyes roaming over the room. Nate takes a moment to answer, “Ray,” The answer makes Sara just look more confused. Nate can hear his breath coming out ragged and he thinks he might be starting to hyperventilate. “Neron’s got him.” Zari gasps again and Ava’s face turns shocked, Sara’s eyes getting filled with disbelief. Nate attempts to tell the story, but he can barely get words out, struggling to breathe. Sara puts her hand on his shoulder and helps him get to the med bay. When Nate can at least form words, he tells them what happened, stumbling over his words. Ava’s face is hardened, expression unreadably, but Nate knows that she’s angry and worried. It looks like Sara is biting back tears and Zari is not even bothering to do so, a tear slipping down her cheek. Sara leaves to tell the rest of the team, telling Nate to rest up first. Ava leaves as well, saying she’ll speak with the newly awakened Nora. Zari stays, being there with him while he heals up. Nate lets Gideon patch him up a bit before he gets too anxious. He can’t sit still, he can’t wait for things to happen, he can’t not look for his boyfriend, he can’t do _this_ without Ray. Nate moves to get up and Zari tries to stop him. She leaves it when she sees the look on his face. Then before either of them can move, the egg cracks slightly and _holy shit, it’s a dragon_.

The team searches for John and Ray, but it isn’t enough, they still haven’t found them yet. Nate can see the way the others look at him, like he’s a ticking time bomb that could go off any time now. Nate gets it, he does. He knows he’s snappy and very emotionally unstable, fidgeting when sitting still and bone tired when moving around. Honestly the ticking time bomb really isn’t that far off, he certainly feels like it. They find NerRay and John in the Ice Age and just seeing Ray is alive, even if he’s possessed, makes Nate feel slightly better. But then Mick makes an order he shouldn’t have and they get trapped in an avalanche. People are yelling at each other and Nate _can’t deal_ with this shit, so he storms away, not really caring that it might be dramatic, Nate feels like he has the right to be dramatic. Nate misses the guilty look Mick throws his way.

The heating isn’t working anymore and Nate goes to check on the egg. Everyone is wearing Leonard Snart's old coats and they keep the egg in a blanket to keep it warm. Nate kind of wants to ask Mick about the coats, but then he remembers Mick got them stuck in an avalanche and he keeps his mouth shut. Sara suddenly decides ‘screw it’ and they all go and play Ray’s stupid Cards to Save the Timeline game. The game is cheesy yet funny and it’s so _Ray_ that Nate almost cries. Gideon cuts through and tells them the ice is melting. Sara gets that Captain gleam in her eyes and Nate knows they’re getting out of this one alive.

They travel to Stonehenge and John is fighting NerRay. Nate meets NerRay’s eyes and even though it's across a far distance, Nate needs to hold back tears when his fingers don’t itch at the sight of them. There’s a portal now and John gets a certain look in his eyes, glancing at NerRay and then at the team and steps forward, entering the portal to go find the real Ray. Nate doesn’t have time to be thankful and (equally) worried about John, because NerRay uses the portal to get ‘his Tabitha’ out of Hell. Plot twist, it’s the fucking Fairy Godmother and Nate is this close to pulling out his hair. NerRay and the Fairy Godmother kiss and Nate has to remind himself that that isn’t Ray, it’s Neron in Ray's body, but it’s honestly still disgusting.

The Time Bureau is compromised and Mona is kidnapped. NerRay is being an asshole and even though Neron is using Ray’s body, Nate really wants to punch him. The team is together, planning and getting ready to take back the Bureau, when there’s a tingling, uncomfortable feeling under Nate’s skin and Nate squeezes his eyes shut on instinct. It feels as if he’s sitting on something soft and he opens his eyes. Nate’s on a couch with a book in his lap, Nora, Sara and Ava next to him. He looks up and sees Gary standing in front of them, Tabitha behind him, smiling in a way Nate can only describe as wickedly. 

“Welcome to Book Club!” Gary exclaims, a big grin on his face and Nate can’t help but think, _what the fuck?_ Sara says it too, along with a lot of other stuff but Gary won’t listen to anything they have to say. Gary seems to only care about what Tabitha has to say and Nate desperately wishes they could get through to him. Gary deserves a lot better than being Tabitha’s puppet. Sara tries a different approach, telling Gary that they will have to reschedule until after they’ve read the book and Nate could kiss her right there. Gary doesn’t take it though and he makes a wish and now Nate is reading faster than he ever thought possible and he finishes the book. He’s feeling incredibly dizzy, his head pounding and the book sucks too. Nate can vaguely hear Sara talk over the comms to Charlie, but doesn’t really register it, still trying to get his head on straight (or well, as straight as Nate can get). Gary is babbling about the stupid book and Nate knows Gary is a friend, but by God, Nate is *this* close to shoving the book down his throat. Before Nate can act on his impulses though, Tabitha is doing some of her magic and manipulation again. They can’t move and Gary is wishing to be Captain of the Waverider and Nate is expecting that tingling sensation again, but it doesn’t come. Nate, along with Nora, is still there. Tabitha waves her wand and allows Nora to move again. Nate tries to wiggle his fingers but seems to be still stuck. Stupid witch.

“I have no quarrel with you, dear,” Tabitha tells Nora, taking a seat, “You didn’t send me to Hell like John Constantine and the Legends,” Tabitha says, tone clipped and throws a dirty look Nate’s way that Nate wishes he could flip off. Tabitha is monologuing now and Nate stops paying attention to her. Nora is on the edge of her seat though, which Nate quickly realizes is because she is readying herself to strike the moment she can. Nate really hopes there will _be_ a moment. Nora is asking questions and Nate is beginning to understand why Ray likes her so much. She seems to be smart and capable and very good at getting what she wants.

“You know, I think in another life, you and I could’ve been friends,” Tabitha says and Nate wants to call her out on her utter bullshit, but then that tingling feeling appears under his skin and Nate knows what’s coming but it’s still weird to suddenly be standing somewhere completely different. Nate stumbles slightly before looking around him. He’s standing in a long corridor in a black suit with white accents, something he could have appreciated if it wasn’t for the fact he didn’t put it on himself. Nate sees a flash of something to his right and he looks over. Standing there is NerRay, leaning against the wall, eyes already on Nate.

“Ray,” Nate breathes out, causing NerRay to tilt his head.

“Without all the idiotic tendencies,” NerRay says and Nate’s hands close into fists. The being standing in front of him sounds and looks like Ray, but Nate meets his eyes and can’t help but flinch back slightly at the sight of them. NerRay is stepping closer, reaching for Nate and Nate hits his arm away. NerRay levels him with an unimpressed look and moves his arm around his shoulder, this time with enough force that Nate can’t fight it. NerRay moves into Nate’s space, pressing their sides together.

“Make a move on me and Mona dies,“ NerRay whispers into Nate’s ear and Nate clenches his jaw, really wishing that NerRay didn’t smell so much like his Ray. NerRay pushes forward and they slowly make their way down the hallway.

“Ray is the best man I’ve ever met. He’s strong- he will get out of Hell,” Nate grits out, anger bubbling inside him. NerRay chuckles and Nate feels an uncomfortable shiver go down his spine.

“Owh, he can try, but he will only get hurt for his efforts,” NerRay says, smirking over at Nate and Nate wants to punch it off his face. “God, what a grand time he must be having down there. Do you think he’s having fun?”

“Fuck you,” Nate hisses out. NerRay chuckles again.

“You know, I haven’t heard as much as I could have, but word on the street is that his old friend Vandal Savage is keeping him company,” Nate remembers Vandal Savage, well, stories about him. Nate doesn’t particularly like that knowledge.

“Why am I here?” Nate asks instead of reacting. NerRay is enjoying this way too much already and Nate is getting more and more irritated by the demon.

“Well, you see, John, Nora and the Legends have been a real pain in the ass for me. Nora and Johnny even tried to kill me! Nearly did- if the doofus in the skinsuit I’m wearing hadn’t interrupted, I’d have been obliterated,” NerRay glances at Nate, smirk still in place. “I spent some time trying to figure out my revenge. Now, Constantine is in Hell and Nora is being taken care of by my Tabitha, so that leaves your little team,” Nate’s skin prickles at NerRay’s gaze. “And I thought, what better revenge than making you sit front row while I unleash fear and rage into the world,” They stop walking, standing near closed double doors. Nate can feel NerRay watching him, _enjoying_ this. “All while in the body of the man you love,” NerRay ends with a happy smile on his face. Nate is grinding his teeth, pushing back the tears he can feel coming up. “Now,” NerRay reaches for Nate's chin and turns Nate’s face towards his own, Nate meeting his gaze. “Smile for the cameras.” NerRay grins at him, his smile almost as blinding as Ray’s if it weren’t for the slightly sadistic turn of his mouth. The double doors bang open, a bunch of reporters coming through them. They’re throwing questions around, cameras flashing brightly in Nate’s eyes. Nate turns to Ray’s body on instinct, shielding himself from the commotion. NerRay does smell a lot like Ray, but there’s an underlying hint of _something,_ something that just isn’t right. Nate quickly turns to the other side, trying to be as far away as possible from NerRay, while stuck in his arm. NerRay talks a bit to the reporters, sprouting empty promises and nonsense, before making his way to the stage. He smiles at Nate when he let’s go and places Nate on a seat near the podium. All Nate can do is glare at him, so Nate makes sure it’s one hell of a glare. NerRay quips about ‘if looks could kill’ before he steps onto the stage. Nate really wishes that looks _could_ kill. The worst part of it all, Ray loves tech events.

Mona is here, at the presentation and NerRay is being a total ass. Nate spotted Zari, Charlie and Mick in the crowd earlier and is ready to make a run for it. Mick is coming up to the stage, heat gun ready to shoot, when blue sparkles engulf him and he disappears. Fucking Fairy Godmother. Nate quickly makes his way to Zari.

“Nate!” Zari exclaims when she sees him. Then blue sparkles are engulfing him and the stinging, tingling feeling is back.

“Z?” It’s the last thing Nate manages to say, before he’s suddenly on the bridge of the Waverider. Sara and Ava are stuck in the chairs next to him, Mick on his other side.

“You guys okay?” Nate asks.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Sara answers and Nate can hear the exasperation in her voice. “As long as we keep placating Gary. I guess Charlie and Z are our last hope.” Zari and Charlie are very capable, but the odds aren’t really looking in their favor here.

“Great, we’re toast,” Mick grumbles.

“Welcome to Hell,” Ava says, before Gary’s voice cuts through the room. Gary jumps in front of them and he’s wearing a kids Steel costume and if Nate wasn’t really stressed out right now, he would’ve found it adorable and feel somewhat flattered. Nate honestly doesn’t know what’s going on nor does he have the energy to figure it out at the moment. Gary is telling him they’re going to have ‘so much fun’ and all Nate says is ‘okay’.

They go on a ‘mission’ to catch this fairy and Gary is really getting on Nate’s nerves. Nate tries a different approach, schmoozing Gary. It doesn’t work and clearly Nate isn’t the only one that is getting sick of this, because Ava tells Gary how it is. God, Nate loves Ava.

“You don’t get it- this whole time Tabitha has been trying to use me to hurt you. All I wished was for us to hang out,” Gary says and Nate feels a pang of guilt, enough to make him feel even worse. “I was trying to protect you,” Gary gulps and then he tells them that it’s over and the Fairy Godmother is back. Gary is making weird wishes now, Mick is in a crib with a pacifier stuck in his mouth, Nate suddenly has braces and god-awful hair and Sara and Ava are stuck dancing.

“God Gary, this isn’t you!” Nate says, hearing a lisp he didn’t have before. “Why are you being so cruel?” Nate doesn’t think that the way Ava and Sara are dancing can be good for them.

“You’re killing them!” Mick shouts around the pacifier, causing Gary to get this panicked look on his face. Gary quickly tells the Fairy Godmother to stop. They’re back to normal now, but Tabitha suddenly has some place to go. She’s telling Gary they’re not friends and over all being quite mean. As far as manipulation tactics go, that doesn’t seem like the smartest move to Nate. Tabitha disappears in a cloud of blue sparkles and Gary lets out a soft ‘oh’. Nate really does feel guilty now. Ava is apologizing now and Sara is doing her little motivational Captain speech. Mick tells him he still wants to kill him, which Nate thinks is pretty fair too.

“You don’t have to be cool to be a Legend. And maybe we forgot that along the way, but you are one of us,” Sara finishes.

“Now come on, Gary. Ray and John are both stuck in Hell and you can help them,” Nate tells him. “Just use your Fairy Godmother powers for good.” Then Gary is talking about pros and cons and if Nate had the willpower to do _anything_ right now, Nate would’ve shaken him until he would understand that he was part of the team, this family.

“Gary, just-” Ava starts. “Just go with your heart.” Gary takes a breath and then calls for the Fairy Godmother. There are blue sparkles again, but instead of Tabitha, Nora is standing behind Gary, wearing the Fairy Godmother apparel.

“Go find John and help him rescue Ray from Hell,” Gary wishes. If it was still Tabitha, Nate would’ve found it a really smart move, but it isn’t, _it’s fucking Nora and-_.

“No, wait Gar-” Nate tries and he can hear the others try to stop this too, but they’re too late. A portal opens behind Nora and she gets sucked through.

“Gary, you dick!” She shouts before the portal closes.

All the magical creatures that were in the Bureau’s prison are on the Waverider now and Nate really can’t take this shit anymore, he just wants his Ray back. Somewhere along the line, Charlie got caught by NerRay and Tabitha, which means Zari is looking like shit too.

“You okay?” Nate asks her, knowing she probably misses her girlfriend and is blaming herself for everything that went wrong. Zari and Nate are similar like that.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Zari responds, turning towards him. Nate just shrugs and hears Zari taking a deep breath. “No, I’m not okay,” she answers honestly.

“Me neither,” Nate says back. Zari reaches for a hug which Nate easily returns. “At least we, the monsters and Wicksty are okay,” Nate says, trying to tap into Ray's ability to see the positives in every situation. Nate can’t say he’s very good at it. Just another reason why they need Ray back, like right now. Zari quickly pulls back, eyes wide.

“What happened?” Nate asks, alarmed.

“Oh my god, we forgot Wicksty,” Zari says. _Of course they did_.

Nate and Zari track Wicksty down and see young Zari showing a baby dragon off to her peers. Nate thinks it’s safe to assume the egg hatched. Before the two of them can step in, the teacher uses the EYES app and Wicksty is taken away. Nate hates this situation for many reasons, the hurt look on young Zari’s face might be the worst. In the midst of all their failures, they do manage to get Charlie back after she was forced to turn into Tagumo in Capitol Hill. Zari hugs and kisses her when they see each other again and Nate has to look away. Don’t get him wrong, he’s happy Charlie is back and he’s happy they have each other, but it just makes him miss Ray even more.

The magical creatures are getting grumpy stuck on the Waverider and they really need to get a plan soon. Zari is showing the footage from Wicksty and something about all of this sounds kind of familiar and then it hits Nate: they need to make HeyWorld. They need a place where people can see these creatures and bring humans and magical creatures together. The others, with some convincing, like the plan but the park takes too long to build. Zari comes up with Brigid’s diary, the only hiccup being that it’s at the Time Bureau.

“It’s okay, we just break in,” Ava says, walking over to the console. “It’s not going to be easy, even if it isn’t demon central, the vault that it’s in is practically impenetrable."

“Oh, it’s penetrable,” Mick cuts through, walking into the room with the diary in hand. Nate could kiss him.

“Oh my god,” Ava says slowly, before plastering a kiss on Mick’s cheek. Apparently, Ava had the same thought. Mick only looks mildly disgusted when Ava tells him she loves him. He hands Nate the diary and tells him he wants it back when Nate’s done. Nate can feel adrenaline coursing through his veins, feeling hope flare up in his chest, finally having a plan to fix this mess somewhat. Nate, along with Zari and Charlie, goes to the library to get the HeyWorld plans and Nate's childhood drawings. Nate opens a couple of his desk drawers, making sure he doesn’t forget anything, when Gideon’s voice cuts through. She tells them Zari’s future changed, the Anti-Human-Meta-Act never passes and Zari’s family doesn't get murdered. Nate’s head whips over to Zari, a grin spreading over his face at the news. Nate can see Zari crying, Charlie next to her, arm around Zari’s shoulder.

“Well, that means something from this crazy plan actually works,” Nate says, happy for his friend.

“This is great news, right?” Charlie asks, smile on her face and looks over at her girlfriend. Zari turns to her.

“God, I’ve been running that stupid program for so long, I had given up hope of it actually working,” Zari says, addressing both of them, but eyes fixed on Charlie. Nate glances away, kind of feeling like he’s intruding. “If this works, my brother survives, I never steal back his totem from ARGUS, I never join the Legends,” Nate quickly looks at Zari again, understanding dawning over him, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. Nate sees Charlie’s smile slip from her face. “The last two years wouldn’t have happened. Who knows where I’ll be or who I’ll be?” Zari says, voice shaking. A tear slips down her cheek.

“You’ll be you,” Sara’s voice pops up from behind Nate, making him startle slightly. Stupid assassins with their light feet. ”Because while we’re at HeyWorld, you’ll stay on the ship. We’re in the Temporal Zone, you’ll be safe.” Sara tells them and quickly shuts down any objections that Zari throws her way.

“I’m not losing another Legend,” Sara states and Nate feels a pang of pain in his chest at that. “You need to make sure that what happens at HeyWorld is seen globally,” Sara tells Zari. 

“I can use the EYES app as a backdoor into the phones that downloaded it,” Zari says, brain already turning and her body moving to her computer. Charlie smiles at her, before looking over at Sara and mouthing a ‘thank you’. She then moves to follow Zari.

They make the HeyWorld advertisements (they really should’ve done the crossover) and Mona and Charlie are attempting to get the magical creatures to cooperate. It’s almost time for Nate to go to the construction site. Almost time for Nate to create a whole theme park in Brigid’s Diary and do his part in fixing the future for magical creatures and meta-humans. No pressure whatsoever. Nate can feel a pit in his stomach and goes to the library, thinking maybe some practice will ground him. Nate takes a seat at his desk. paper in front of him and his favorite pencils, ready to draw. He picks up his pencil, moving it to the paper. He stops short though, right before the pencil can make contact with the paper. Nate feels his hands shaking and for some reason he just _can’t_. A groan escapes over his lips and he lays his head on the desk. Now really isn’t the time to have an art block.

“Performance issues?” Mick’s voice comes from the doorway, earning him a grunt in response. Nate can hear Mick move closer, dragging a chair near the desk and taking a seat. “Come on, sit up, Pretty,” Mick urges and Nate picks his head up, looking over at the other man. “What’s up?” Mick asks and Nate opens his mouth to respond, but closes it again, not knowing what to say. Nate mulls it over in his head, trying to find a way to put whatever this is into words. Mick stays seated in front of him, waiting patiently.

“I just- I’m having trouble putting pen to paper, I guess. I’m shaking too much, too nervous,” Nate settles on.

“Why?” Mick asks, such a short and simple question with such a long and complicated answer. Nate meets Mick’s gaze and tilts his head. He can feel himself smile forlornly.

“Because this is the only way we can save those souls and hopefully Ray,” Nate admits and clears his throat. “The only plan we have to save the world and the man I love so, so much,” There’s something wet on his cheek and Nate realizes that he’s crying. He doesn’t bother pushing the tears back or wiping them away, the ache in his chest too big to care. “If this plan fails, I don’t know what we’ll do. If there even is something we can do.” Mick is still looking at him before he heaves a sigh.

“If you don’t do this, if you don’t create that park, then there is absolutely no way we can save these people or Haircut,” Mick tells him.

“I know.”

“Then do it,” Mick says, making it sound like it’s a simple thing to do. Maybe it is. “It seems everybody on this ship has a damn hero complex, so I know you want to save the world,” Mick rolls his eyes and Nate can’t help the chuckle from escaping from his throat. “I also know you miss Haircut- I know this isn’t easy, losing someone you love never is. But that doesn’t mean you can’t continue on,” Mick glances down. “Took me a while to understand that. Too long. Almost missed something that was wonderful too.” Nate thinks he knows what Mick is talking about, knows that Snart was someone very special to him, that because Mick was mourning him, he almost didn’t get to have something with Amaya. Mick lost Snart, then he let himself open up again and he lost Amaya. Nate feels a pang of guilt in his chest, here Nate is, being sad for someone that isn’t even dead, someone who has hope of getting saved.

“And what if I can’t draw anymore?” Nate wonders. “Ray was kind of my muse- what if I don’t have it anymore?” Mick snorts at that and levels him with a look that basically screams ‘you’re an idiot’.

“You could draw long before you met Haircut,” Mick says it slowly, like he’s talking to a child, a really dumb one. “The first day I met you, you sketched the Waverider. She looked better in your drawing than in real life,” Mick tilts his head up. “No offence Gideon.”

“None taken, Mr. Rory,” Gideon’s voice comes from the ceiling.

“I knew you had talent then and I know you have talent now. With or without Ray,” The confidence in Mick’s voice is enough for Nate to start believing it himself. “And we haven’t lost him yet, got it?” Nate nods in response.

“Thanks, Mick- really, you’re a great friend,” Nate says, some of his fondness for the other man slipping into his voice. Nate sighs and picks up his pencil. He places the point of the pencil on the paper and after a second, starts drawing. A grin forms on his face and he makes his strokes bolder. Nate can see Mick get up in his periphery and walks out of the library.

“Good job, Pretty.”

Nora is back from her little quest in Hell and Nate rushes from the library before Gideon is done with her announcement. Nate makes it to the kitchen and only sees John and Nora standing there. Nate’s body goes cold. Nora quickly hands him a coin with Ray’s name on it and explains to him that it's his soul, which can only return when Neron is out of Ray's body. Nate’s fingers ghost over the name etched into the coin before taking Nora’s hand and pressing the coin into her palm.

“You’d be better at keeping it safe,” Nate states and meets Nora’s gaze. Something steels in her eyes and her face turns from surprised to determined.

“I’ll protect it with my life,” Nora promises.

“I know.”

In the parlour, Nate and Sara tell John about the plan. When they’re done, John gets this look on his face and Nate knows John is going to tell them something he doesn’t like, doesn’t really want to say.

“There is another way,” John starts and turns to them. “Whilst in Hell we learnt that Neron’s possession of Ray is contingent on Nate not being killed,” Nate looks over at John, confusion setting in. “Ray gave in to Neron to stop him from killing you,” Nate breathes in sharply and _shit_ , there are already tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

“So that’s why NerRay didn’t kill me when he had the chance,” Nate croaks out.

“Yeah,” John affirms, a pained look coming onto his face. “A demon is only as good as its word. If Neron breaks that deal, he’ll get out of Ray's body and Ray's soul can get back into it. When Neron is ejected from Ray's body, I can kill him. And when I do, all the souls he’s nabbed will be released,” John explains.

“And all Neron has to do is-” Nate slides his thumb across his throat and makes a finger gun at his head. “-me?” Nate asks, earning a nod from John. Sara cuts through, objecting and telling him she won’t lose another Legend, her captain voice on. Nate can hear her, but not really.

Nate goes to the construction site with Zari and he draws and draws and draws until the whole park is done. His hands only shake slightly.

The park is filled with people, the crowd walking around, buying food, going to attractions. The park looks good if Nate can say so himself. They perform a show, but in true Legends fashion, it doesn’t go according to plan. The crowd isn’t really loving it and _holy fucking shit where did that dragon come from?_ Tabitha comes through the doors and she starts talking to them, sprouting shit left and right and Nate really wants to punch her lights out. Tabitha reveals that they’re planning on opening the portal here and the team deduces that they will use the crowd's fear to do it. Tabitha’s staff is absorbing the fear like a sponge and Sara goes for the attack, trying to get the staff. Nate moves, following Sara, but sees the blast coming too late. Nate flies through the sky and then everything goes black, something that happens way too much for Nate’s liking. Nate comes to, blinking his eyes open and glances at his surroundings. Nate can see John on the ground not so far away from him, the rest of the team scattered around. NerRay is here, holding Tabitha’s staff. Tabitha and Wicksty are nowhere to be found. Nate’s ears are still ringing and he’s feeling dizzy, definitely a concussion. Through his haze, he’s still present enough to know that the portal is a bad thing and that this needs to stop. A movement in front of Nate catches his attention. John is moving, waking from unconsciousness. Nate can see the moment John notices the portal, because a worried, almost scared look crosses his face. Nate stumbles to his feet and moves to John.

“John, John-” Nate gets out, practically falling into the other man's arms. “John, we have to-” John is already shaking his head, face turning grim, clearly knowing what Nate is suggesting.

“You heard the Captain's orders, Natey, we’re not doing this,” John says. Nate can hear NerRay shouting something behind them, but Nate pays it no mind.

“Please, John, you know I have to. It’s the only way,” Nate pleads. “Just, please. I have to do this,” Nate hates the desperation in his voice. John meets his eyes and Nate can see he’s having a debate with himself. They’re running out of time. “Please let me save these people, John,” Nate takes a deep breath, clearing his head. “Let me save Ray, _please_.” John closes his eyes and sighs, a deep, painful sigh. Nate knows John made up his mind, a decision he doesn’t like. John starts muttering in Latin and moves his hands, doing something that gives Nate a tingling feeling under his skin. Unlike what Tabitha did, the tingling feeling feels comfortable, maybe even safe, instead of unsettling. Nate looks down and sees he’s not himself anymore. Nate looks like John and John looks like Nate. Nate lets out a wet chuckle and quickly hugs the man.

“Thank you, I love you, all of you,” Nate says, before he’s letting go and walking towards NerRay. Nate misses the tears that roll down John’s cheek.

“Neron!” Nate yells, but he doesn’t sound like himself anymore. He sounds like John. “This fight is between me and you, so let’s settle it once and for all,” Nate tries to move and talk like John, he needs to sell this. NerRay sneers and throws the staff to the side.

“Gladly,” NerRay says and makes his way over to him. Nate sends out a silent prayer that Nora and the coin are still safe. Nate moves to attack but is stopped by some sort of smoke that coils around his neck. With one quick move, NerRay closes the distance and wraps his hand around Nate’s throat, squeezing and lifting Nate up off the ground.

“I’ve already won, killing you is just a bonus,” NerRay says, cocky smile in place and Nate can’t say he imagined he’d die by the hands of a demon wearing the face of the love of his life. Dark spots are filling his vision and his lungs are screaming for air. NerRay’s hand closes further.

“You may take me, Neron,” Nate grits out, gasping for air. “But the Legends will always win,” Nate gets out before a loud pop fills his ears and his vision goes black.

There is nothing. Nothing and then Nate is sitting on a beam high above the ground. He feels weird. His body doesn’t have the telltale thumping feeling of a heart inside it. He can’t feel the beam under him or the texture of his clothes. It’s dead silent. Ha, _dead_ silent. Nate glances down and sees his body lying on the ground, not far from Ray’s. The portal seems to be gone. Nate can see John flip the coin and Ray’s soul enters his body. It worked and Nate lets out a relieved laugh. Ray looks like he’s gasping for air before sitting up. Ray’s mouth is moving but Nate can’t hear anything. Then Ray turns to Nate’s body on the ground and his face crumbles. He rushes over to Nate's body, seemingly checking for a pulse. Nate knows that there won’t be one. Ray’s lips are moving and Nate can only imagine what he might be saying. Most likely something along the lines of ‘you can’t be dead; you need to wake up’. It’s what Nate thought when his father died. Pleaded when Martin died and screamed into his pillow when his grandfather died. Nate can see Ray crying, cradling Nate’s head in his hands. Nate doesn’t really like seeing this. Nora moves behind Ray, putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to comfort him. Then Zari suddenly walks onto the scene and Nate knows that that isn’t good, _that wasn’t part of the plan_ and he wishes he could do anything other than just watch. Zari is on his body’s other side, clutching his hand, silent tears rolling over her cheeks. Sara is kneeling at Nate’s head, hand on Zari’s shoulder. Charlie and Mona are standing near, pained looks on their faces and Nate wonders if everyone that dies is burdened with the sight of their loved ones reacting to it. Mick is grabbing John's jacket, yelling at him, a wild look in his eyes. Nate wishes he could tell Mick that it’s okay, that it was his choice. Nate can feel tears gathering in his eyes and wonders how that works when he’s dead.

“Not a bad show if you ask me,” A voice comes from Nate’s left and Nate startles, looking over, and sees his dad sitting next to him.

“Dad,” Nate breathes out.

“Hello Nate,” His dad says, smile on his face.

“I missed you so much, dad,” Nate says but is afraid to reach out, not knowing what will happen if he does. Besides, he can’t really feel his limbs. His dad doesn’t seem to have the same predicament, because he raises one of his hands and rests it on his shoulder. A prickling feeling appears under the touch.

“I haven’t been far,” His dad assures. Nate smiles at that, before his eyes fall on the scene below him again.

“I guess- uhm, I guess it sucks dying before you’re ready, huh,” Nate sniffles.

“Sure does,” His dad says, his eyes following Nate’s gaze.

“Yeah,” Nate says pained. Ray is sobbing below him and the others aren’t off much better.

“Believe me, I went through all the emotions, anger, worry. I had so many regrets, I almost missed my ticket to the happy place,” His dad tells him, his voice the only sound that Nate can hear, besides a slight buzzing that wasn’t there before.

“What changed?” Nate asks, turning to his dad.

“I had faith.”

“You’re saying there’s actually a-”

“In you, Nate,” His dad interrupts. “And I was right to believe that my son and his family would see this thing through,” His dad gestures down and Nate follows the movement, eyes landing on the scene again. Ray is saying that Nate can’t leave yet, that he hasn’t had the chance to buy a ring yet. Nate can’t tell if he’s lip reading or if he can vaguely hear it.

“This really sucks,” Nate tells his dad, feeling tears roll down his cheek. Huh, he feels the tears on his cheek. His dad hums next to him.

“You know, the only thing missing from that big show of yours?” Nate shakes his head no. “Music,” His dad proclaims, before starting to sing. Nate listens to his dad’s voice, not noticing that a guitar joined the melody before he hears that more voices start to blend in with his dads. The music seems to become clearer and clearer.

“Do you hear that?” Nate asks his dad.

“It’s for you, son,” His dad tells him. “It seems the land of the dead isn’t ready for you yet,” Nate can’t voice his confusion, because his dad isn’t done talking yet. “I love you, Nate,” Nate can’t believe he had to die to hear those words come out of his dad's mouth, but he’s happy to hear it anyway.

“I love you too,” Nate says, he shifts on the beam, the ridges digging into his thighs a bit (wait since when does he feel that?). Nate opens his mouth to ask why he can still hear singing when his dad stopped, but his dad is already moving the hand on his shoulder to his back. With one push, Nate falls off the beam and there’s a tingling feeling in his stomach and then it drops. Nate can feel his limbs, can feel his heart beating in his chest, can feel his lungs crying for air. His eyes shoot open on instinct and Nate gasps, taking gulps of air. Blurry forms around him are turning into people and suddenly a lot of adrenaline shoots through his veins and Nate darts up to his feet. Through the ringing in his ears he can hear people cheering and applauding around him. Nate further comes to himself and feels arms around him, very familiar ones. Nate looks up and meets dark eyes, eyes that hold galaxies and his fingers itch. Nate lets out a wet laugh and grabs Ray’s face, pushing his lips onto his. Ray kisses back with vigor, before shifting his head and turning it softer. Nate can feel Ray’s hands clutching his waist and a warm feeling spreads through Nate’s body. Nate is so happy to have his Ray back, to be able to feel again. Nate pulls back and rests his head against Ray’s. People around them are hugging and Nate can feel hands patting his back. Nate looks around, elated he can see everyone again and they him. Nate notices Charlie and Zari near him, holding each other in a tight hug. Suddenly Charlie pulls back, her eyes wide.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Charlie rattles, hands clutching at Zari’s neck. Nate moves his head and turns to them. Zari is here and _oh, she really shouldn’t be here._ Understanding dawns on Nate. He can feel Ray turn to them as well.

“You’re not in the Temporal Zone,” Charlie stresses, but Zari just looks at her, holding on to her girlfriend's waist. “We changed everything, you-” Zari shakes her head.

“I couldn’t just let Nate die, or let you deal with this alone,” Zari tells her, smiling at her. before glancing at Nate and nodding her head at him. She quickly mouths ‘I love you’ at him before turning back to Charlie. The look on Charlie’s face is enough for Nate to feel a deep sense of hurt, that way too familiar ache in his chest returns. Nate has to look away and buries his face in Ray’s neck.

“No, I love you, please,” Nate hears Charlie plead and then Nate hears a soft ‘I love you too’ from Zari. Nate squeezes his eyes, feels Ray’s hand rubbing his back, before a voice cuts through the ruckus, making Nate look up again.

“Charlie, dude, you okay? Nate’s fine, everybody’s fine, we saved the day,” Behrad says, pulling back from his hug with Charlie.

“Something is wrong,” Charlie mutters and she blinks and looks around her. “Something-”

“Yeah, the fact that you’re still crying, but that’s alright a lot of shit happened, no judgement here, bro,” Behrad tells her and Charlie just nods in response, eyes seemingly blinking through some sort of haze, before her eyes fall on Nate and Ray. She walks over to them and punches Nate’s arm. Hard, Nate might add. Nate pulls back slightly from Ray, but not very far (he doesn’t think he can let go of Ray anytime soon) and lets out a soft ‘ouch’.

“Don’t do that again, dickhead,” Charlie tells him, grin fixed on her face.

“Love you too, Charlie,” Nate retorts, before a strong hand lands on his shoulder. Nate meets Sara’s eyes and she squeezes his shoulder, before walking towards the exit of the theatre, intent clear in her steps.

“Alright, Time Bros,” Sara says. The team is moving and Nate grabs Ray's hand.

“And Time Ladies,” Ava cuts through, smiling at her girlfriend.

“And Time Monsters,” Charlie adds, smirk on her face. Nate looks over to his left and meets John’s eyes. They nod at each other before turning away again. Nate thinks he might buy (or steal, might be nice to do with Mick) a bottle of nice scotch or something. 

“As I was saying, Legends! Our work here is done,” Sara finishes. She touches her earpiece and addresses Gideon. “Gideon, fire up the ship, it’s time to hit it.” Nate is surrounded by his friends, his family, and Nate can’t be gladder that his dad shoved him off that beam. When they’re back on the ship he draws his family. He transfers it to a canvas and paints it. Sara steals it out of his and Ray’s room and hangs it on a wall in the parlour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest fic ive ever written, i think.  
> I feel like i became a lot more detailed towards the end, but that just kind of happened. Please tell me if that bothers you!  
> I tried to remember the dialogue from the show as well as i could, but there might be some inaccuracies, because i didn't bother looking up the dialogue every time. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! (though comments a lot more lol)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an actual chapter, but a way to let people know I re-wrote this fic. I hope you'll like it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an actual chapter, but a way to let people know I re-wrote this fic. I hope you'll like it!

Not an actual chapter, but a way to let people know I re-wrote this fic. I hope you'll like it!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic ive ever written, i think.  
> I feel like i became a lot more detailed towards the end, but that just kind of happened. Please tell me if that bothers you!  
> I tried to remember the dialogue from the show as well as i could, but there might be some inaccuracies, because i didn't bother looking up the dialogue every time. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! (though comments a lot more lol)


End file.
